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1 

1 


lEx  IGUtrtB 

SEYMOUR  DURST 


Avery  Architectural  and  Fine  Arts  Library 
Gift  of  Sfymour  B.  Di  rst  Old  York  Library 


Digitized  by^the  Internet  Archive 


http://archive.org/details/rentingfurnishedOOstan_0 


An  Apartment  House, 


RENTING  A 

Furnished  Apartment 


A  NARRATIVE 


SETTING  FORTH  THE  EXPERIENCES  OF  AN 
OUT-OF-TOWN  FAMILY  IN  THE  METROPOLIS 


BY 


/ 

G:  smith  STANTON    ,  . 

Author  of  "Where  the  Sportsman  Loves  to  Linger, 
"When  the  Wildwood  Was  in  Flower/'  etc. 


New  York  : 
J.  S.  OGILVIi:  PUBLISHING  COMPANY, 
57  Rose  Street. 


LIBRARY  OF  THE 

nnion  Ttoologiesl  Seaiiiapy 


9V 


I         The  AijtJioi 


Copyright,  1916.  bv  G.  Smith  Staxton 


H  t  4«  .  I  78».'U 


r 


To  those  icho  poS'SCHS  our  of  the  great- 
est hless'ni(/s  of  this  life,  a  sense 
of  humor,  tJiis  volume  is  dedicated. 


PREFACE 


Physicians  tell  us  that  it  is  absolutely  necessary,  in 
order  to  obtain  and  retain  good  health,  to  liave  a  hearty 
laugh  every  day.  If  any  page  of  this  little  volume  has  that 
desired  effect  on  the  reader,  the  object  of  its  production 
will  be  accomplished. 


CONTENTS. 


riiArTi:K  i.  page 

''The  Call  of  the  Wild"  ,   13 

CHAPTER  11, 
Getting  Initiated   25 

CHAPTEll  111. 

The  Holidays   38 

(^HAPTEU  IV. 
Storms  Without  and  Within   50 

CHAPTER  V. 
Sweet  With  the  P>itter   61 

CHAPTER  VI. 
Life  Is  One  Thini;  After  Another   75 

(IIAPTER  VII. 
The  Girl  From  Riverside  Drive   90 

CHAPTER  VIII. 
Trials  and  Tribt  lations   101 

(^riAPTER  IX. 

'T>ACK  TO  THE  SoIL"   HI 


LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS 

PAGE 


An  Apartment  Housc^  Front  is  jiicce 

Herald  Square   14 

The  Kiverside  Court   18 

German  Band   20 

An  Apartment  House   23 

''Sleep  Out"   26 

Rex   29 

Our  Protectors   31 

Across  the  Hudson  to  Jersey   33 

The  Long-  Island  Home   36 

Mr.  Chano-e,  Head  of  the  Houseliold   39 

Scene  in  Bronx  l*ark   41 

One  of  Central  Park's  Winding  Higlnvays   43 

Unloading  the  Night  Sliift   45 

(Greeting  the  Xcav  Year   48 

Riverside  Drive,  Soldiers  .Monument   51 

Times  Square,  Cliange  &  Co   53 

Skating  Scene  in  Ontral  Park   56 

The  liirds  and  Leaves  Are  (lone   57 

Where  Miss  Murphy  Had  a  Free  Ride   59 

Behind  the  Scenes   62 

The  Opposite  Court   64 

J.  P.  Morgan  &  Co.— Mills  Building   66 

The  Iowa  Stock  Ranch  in  the  Early  Days   69 

Criminal  lUiilding,  Tond)s  and  Bridge  of  Siglis   71 

City  Hall,  :\runicipal  P>uilding   73 

11 


12 


IJST  ILH  S'I-KA'I'IO.NS 


PAGE 


A  Roniiiidcr  of  the  DcMitist  Clinir   Tfi 

'^Tlio  Mi\n  in        (Overalls"   77 

Tlio  (larba.uv  E.\])tm'ss   81 

On  tlio  Way  to  the  Dinn])   81 

Tho  Dnni])   85 

Loarnin^i  Kacli  Otiici-'s  Laiiuiia^c   87 

Tlie  Preparatory  School  on  the  Hudson   91 

Tlie  ^'F.  of  M."   93 

Tlie  Old  Town  (^ar,  JJan.uor   95 

Mr.  Oliangx^'s  Maine  ('ani})   97 

Old  Orchard  IJeacli   99 

The  Harbor  of  New  York   102 

West  End  Avenne   105 

The  Sanitarinni  in  tlie  Adirondacks   108 

Taking  an  Airing   109 

Riverside  Drive,  Grant's  Tomb   112 

Tlie  Cook  Can  Wave  to  tlie  Cop   113 

Preferable  as  Voters  to  the  Scnni  of  Enrope   116 

They  Risk  their  Lives  for  Ours   119 


Renting  a  Furnished  Apartment 


CHAPTER  I 

^''the  call  of  the  wied" 

Did  you  ever  liear  tlie  saYin,2::  ''Everybody  likes  a 
change?"  Certainly  you  have.  Tlie  only  thin.i»:  on  earth 
that  does  not  like  a  chaniie  is  an  animal.  They  would 
rather  die  than  leave  their  happy  home.  TIk^  oidy  differ- 
ence between  a  human  being  and  an  animal  s<»  far  as  a 
change  is  concern(Ml  is  that  the  animal  knows  Avhen  he  is 
well  off,  whereas  the  human  family  have  to  make  tlu^ 
change  in  order  to  ascertain  what  the  animal  already 
knows. 

For  several  years  a  family — father,  mother  and 
daughter — resided  in  the  suburbs  of  New  York  City. 
''When  the  melancholy  days  have  come,  the  saddest  of  the 
year,''  or  in  other  words  when  the  leaves  began  to  fall,  the 
mother  and  daughter  often  remarked  how  pleasant  it  must 
be  to  spend  the  Avinter  in  the  city.  The  more  they  thought 
of  it  the  more  detei*mined  they  became  to  make  the  move. 
Against  the  wishes  of  iho  father  they  decided  to  close  their 
house  for  the  av inter  months,  discharge  the  help  and  rent  a 
furnished  apartment  in  the  l)ig  town.  The  question  how  to 
})roceed  was  forced  upon  tluMu.    A  friend  told  them  to  put 

13 


14  nr.N'i'ixc  a  itiimsi i i:i»  Ai'Airr.M 

.in  ".-hr'  in  ;i         sjKiix'r.     Aflci"  consuliai  ion  iIh^  fricMid 

wrnle  1  he  which  |-(';|<1  ;is  I'oMnWs:  III  (m1 

^\  iiitci-  inoiUhs,  ;i  fiirnishiMl  .-i | >;iri  inciii  w  iih  ch'X  ,il  or,  hy  a 
family  of  llivcc  ndnlls,  nmsl  I)r  on  the  WCsi  KSide  in  the 
neioiiborliood  of  ihc  nineties.  Kec^nire  a  kitclien(4t(»  and 
rest;nii';int  in  l)nihlin,u.    Addi-ess  (Mianiic  Ilcrjihl  Office." 


Herald  Square. 

The  next  niornin^'  and  for  several  days  thereafter  ''riianiie" 
secMned  to  be  very  popnlar  in  Herald  Hfpiare.  The  jinswers 
were  ^one  over,  tliosc  selected  tliat  seemed  to  meet  the 
reqnirements,  and  the  mother  and  daughter  start(Ml  on  the 
linnt.  There  ar(»  f(^w  ])eopl(^  on  earth  who  haven't  been 
liouse  huntin<i\  so  one  can  imaiiine  what  the  ladies  went 
thron.iih  ere  they  fonnd  Iheii*  abo(h'  for  the  winter. 


THE  CALF.  OF  THE  WILD' 


15 


Several  Iniiiks  and  iiniiKn'oiis  i>i'i])s  were  packed,  the 
water  turned  otl",  tlie  maids  turned  adrift  and  a  bijj  New 
Foundland  dnix,  witli  an  anxious  expression,  shipped  to  the 
nearest  doii'  kennel. 

The  father,  who  was  a  ''comniuter,"  was  informed  that 
lie  was  gulping  his  last  breakfast  for  the  present  in  the  old 
home  and  was  given  a  number  and  street  on  a  card  where 
he  would  find  his  better  half  and  daughter  as  the  sun  was 
sinking  among  the  Jersey  hills. 

After  doing  some  shopping  and  taking  luncheon  the 
mother  and  daughter  sought  their  future  home  and  were 
carried  to  the  seventh  floor  by  the  elevator,  manipulated 
by  an  ebony  attendant.  As  the  ladies  sailed  through  the 
various  rooms  of  the  apartment,  they  discussed  the  changes 
that  one  tenant  invarial)ly  makes  over  his  predecessor.  As 
they  looked  out  of  the  different  windows  the  daughter  re- 
marked, ''Why,  mother,  we  don't  look  on  to  a  street.  What 
we  thought  Avas  a  street  is  a  court."  The  mother  inquired, 
''What  is  this  on  the  other  side?"  ''That  is  a  court  also." 
"Well,  don't  say  anything  to  your  father,  he  will  never 
know  the  difference."  The  daughter  almost  burst  into  tears 
at  the  thought  of  entertaining  her  male  and  female  friends, 
especially  the  former,  in  a  rear  apartment.  But  the  apart- 
ment was  in  a  first-class  neighborhood,  elegantly  furnished 
and  the  courts  white,  w  ide  and  airy,  one  opening  into  River- 
side Drive,  and  as  the  lease  had  been  signed,  the  ladies  soon 
became  reconciled  to  their  surroundings.  They  had  looked 
at  so  many  apartments  they  hardly  knew  what  they  had 
rented. 

The  trunks  and  grii)s  began  to  arrive,  and  as  the  clock 
in  Saint  Michael's  was  striking  the  hour  of  six,  in  walked 
the  party  whom  Ave  all  "S.  ().  S."  when  in  financial  dis- 
tress.  Fortunately  for  the  ladies,  as  the  head  of  the  house 


10 


KKXTIXC   A   rriJMSlTKn  AI'AirrMF.N'l' 


strolled  np  lirojHhxny  witli  n  fi-icnd,  lie  Imd  (1t'(>])])(m1  into 
a  cafe,  was  in  a  lia]>i>,v  frame  of  mind  and  somewhat 
oblivious  to  sni'i-onnd  in<;s,  so  cn crvt  li  i ni:  looked  liocnl  to 
liini,  tlie  conrts  incdnded.  A  maid  wlio  slept  out  and  did 
the  chamber  work  for  tlie  jKU  ty  wiio  sublet  the  apartment 
to  the  Chan<ie  family,  consented  to  remain  as  mani])ulat()r 
of  the  bed  Wmnx  and  hea<l  duster  of  the  furnishings. 

Mow  unf(>rtunate  it  was  that  the  dianiic  family  cliose 
Saturday  for  embarkin<>-  in  the  furnished  apartment  Hue, 
for  of  all  the  niiihts  in  tlie  biji  city  Saturday  is  tlie  noisiest. 
Everybody  knows  they  can  sleep  Sunday,  so  the  time  of 
going  to  bed  Saturday  night,  or  Sunday  morning  rather, 
is  a  secondary  consideration. 

The  country  home  of  the  Change  family  was  on  Long 
Island.  The  house  stood  in  the  center  of  a  beautiful  seven- 
acre  place,  laid  off  in  lawns  and  drive-ways.  Large  trees 
surrounded  the  house,  which  was  well  back  from  the  high- 
way. Everything  was  peaceful  and  (juiet.  The  chirping 
birds  built  their  nests  in  the  trees,  shrubbery  and  wistaria. 
The  hum  of  the  little  insects  in  the  grass,  including  the 
''six  weeks  to  frost"  katy-did  and  katy-didn't,  lulled  one 
to  restful  slumber  throughout  the  stilly  night.  Heretofore 
the  Change  family,  the  ladies  shopping  and  going  to  places 
of  amuseuKMit  and  the  ''Governor"  at  his  desk,  spent  nearly 
every  day  'midst  the  roar  and  rattle  of  the  big  city  but 
when  twilight  was  approaching  they  hastened  to  their 
quiet  Long  Island  home. 

On  account  of  the  necessity  of  having  their  trtmks 
ready  for  tln^  tirst  express,  so  they  would  surely  arrive  at 
the  city  ajjartment  the  same  day,  the  Change  family  had 
arisen  earlier  than  usual,  in  fact  the  anxiety  of  the  move 
had  resulted  in  a  sleepless  night,  so  they  decided  to  retire 
early.    All  through  the  day  and  before  one  retires  at  night 


^'THF.  CM  A.  OF  THK  WILD" 


17 


noises  yon  do  not  particularly  notice,  but  Avlien  one  pre- 
pares for  the  ni<»ht  and  presses  his  head  into  a  pillow  and 
pimbles  on  the  arrival  of  ^lorplieus,  the  eardrum  is  found 
an  important  factor.  I'nfortunately  for  the  Chanj^e  family, 
notwithstanding  it  was  December,  the  weather  was  mild 
and  balmy,  consequently  many  windows  in  the  courts,  that 
were  usually  closed  at  that  time  of  the  year,  were  wide 
open.  Tlie  elevator  in  the  building,  with  a  night  and  day 
service,  was  close  to  the  Change  apartment,  and  as  there 
were  forty  apartments  in  the  twelve-story  structure,  the 
elevator  had  little  rest  during  the  twenty-four  hours,  and 
the  colored  trio  who  ran  it  slammed  the  doors  at  2  A.  M. 
with  the  same  abandon  as  they  did  at  2  P.  M. 

Across  the  court  from  the  sleeping  quarters  of  the 
Change  famih^  was  a  young  lady,  whom  evidently  some  one 
had  told  that,  by  diligent  practice  in  cultivating  her  voice, 
Melba,  Tetrazini  and  other  operatic  stars  would  appear 
like  novices.  As  IIP.  M.  arrived  and  the  last  high  notes 
of  the  coming  star  ascended  over  the  top  of  the  apartment 
and  adjoining  buildings  the  Change  family  made  prepara- 
tions to  retire.  The  walls  of  the  apartment  house  were 
so  thin  you  could  hear  through  them.  This  is  not  news  to 
the  aA'erage  New  York  dweller.  The  bedrooms  occupied 
by  the  mother  and  daughter  were  on  one  side  of  the  wall 
between  an  adjoining  apartment,  and  it  seems  a  piano 
was  on  tlie  other.  As  the  mother  and  daughter  were  about 
to  ''drop  off"  some  future  Paderewski  commenced  to  get 
in  his  work;  not  only  was  he  a  Paderewski  but  a  Caruso 
as  well.  Can  you  imagine  a  more  deadly  composite  than 
that  where  sleep  is  concerned?  Saint  Michael's  was  strik- 
ing the  hour  of  midnight  when  Paderewski  and  Caruso 
rang  down  the  curtain. 

Being  anxious  to  know  how  her  lord  was  making  it, 


IS 


iM;.\  ri.\(i  A  I'l  i:.\isiii:i)  ai'ak  im  r 


1 


Hie  iiiotlicr  sli|>|KMl  oiil  of  ImmI  ;m<l  lii)-l<KMl  down  ili<> 
and  stoj^KMl  iw  ilic  door  of  lici'  linshaiKTs  hcdiMMHii.  'I1i<' 
motlier  knew  if  lie  \\;is  iisl('('|>  slic  ^^(Mlld  liciir  hi  in  snoriiii;. 
Not  lieariiiii  tlic  cusloniary  siioiv  slie  silently  opened  the 


The  Riverside  Court. 

door,  stuck  lier  liead  in  and  wliispered,  ^^\re  yon  asleep?" 
''Heavens,  no,  come  in  and  listen  to  this.  Hear  that  walk 
overhead?  Well,  that  i)e(lesti-ian  started  just  after  I  re- 
tired and  yon  see  he  is  still  at  it.    The  note  he  has  to  meet 


^'TITE  (\VrJ.  OF  TTTE  WTI.I)' 


19 


toiiiori'oAN  imisl  i\i  Icasf  ;i  million."  Tlie  father  who 
had  deci(h'(l  to  take  a  smoke,  liad  a  good  laugh  as  the 
mother  told  of  l\Hlerewski  iuid  Caruso. 

As  Ihe  (lovernor  enjoyed  his  eigar,  voices  and  other 
noises  resonnded  through  the  courts,  but  as  the  night  wore 
on,  they  in  a  measure  ceased.  It  was  2  A.  M.  before  there 
came  a  sufficient  lull  for  the  L(mg  Island  delegation  to 
slarl  on  another  hunt  for  ]Mor])heus.  There  are  about  two 
lioui-s,  say  from  2  to  4  A.  M.,  that  one  notices  a  let-up  to 
the  noise  of  tlie  big  town.  Anyone  wlio  cannot  exist  on 
tAvo  hours  of  sleep  out  of  tlie  twenty-four  better  keep  away 
from  the  ^Metropolis.  When  we  say  there  is  a  let-up  from 
2  to  4  A.  ]M.,  we  don't  mean  that  everybody  is  in  bed  and 
traffic  ceases.  Far  from  that.  Little  difference  does  it 
make  what  is  the  hour  of  the  twenty-four,  a  crowd  is  always 
in  evid(Mice  fully  dressed  ready  for  a  fight  or  a  frolic; 
whether  it  is  a  fire  on  the  West  Side,  a  shooting  match  on 
the  East,  a  chase  after  a  thief  along  IJroadway,  a  ride  on 
the  subway  to  Brooklyn,  on  the  ''L"  to  Harlem,  a  ferry- 
boat to  Hoboken  or  a  train  under  the  river  to  Long  Island, 
you  will  not  feel  lonesome. 

The  first  flicker  of  the  coming  day  was  entering  the 
apartment  ere  tlie  Change  family  lost  consciousness.  They 
had  been  asleep  barely  tAvo  hours  Avhen  they  were  aAvakened 
by  the  efforts  of  a  German  band  in  the  court  that  opened 
into  Kiverside  Drive.  We  lune  heard  of  music  bringing  a 
snake  out  of  his  hole,  being  charmed  thereby,  and  have 
heard  it  recommended  to  soothe  the  sick  in  the  hospitals 
and  sto])  a  stam])ede  from  a  theatre  afire,  but  the  kind  of 
music  ])roduced  by  a  (Jerman  band  wouhl  cause  a  snake  to 
seek  the  further  recesses  of  his  abode,  the  hearse  to  roll 
into  the  hospital  grounds,  and  a  theatre  to  be  stampeded 
minus  the  lire.    V>\  the  time  the  German  band  and  several 


RENTIXC   A   Fl  KMSlIi:!)  Al'AK'l'M  KNT 


IkukIs  of  1k)vs,  ^y]\()  ^vcre  mejidow  lnrk inu'  for  ])('iuii('s,  liad 
left  tlie  ("(Mirl.  (lie  (l;iily  I'jiltlc  of  milk  hollies,  cans  aii<l 
llii'  h\v///A'V  in  dn  aitcr  lu\i;aii  and  there  was  lU) 
more  sleep  in  that  ai)ar(nienl. 

AVh(^n  a  person  has  been  awake  iieaidy  all  ni^ht  liis 
liead  and  stomach  call  for  ii  bracer  of  some  kind.  The 


German  Band. 


family  were  in  no  condition  to  dress  and  go  to  the  restaur- 
ant, so  they  t(de])lioned  for  their  breakfast  to  be  S(nit  to  the 
a])artm(^nt.  The  dani»hter  nearly  fainted  and  the  father 
made  a  few  pointed  remarks  when  they  replied  from  the 
restaurant  that  it  was  apiinst  the  rules  to  furnish  meals 
in  the  apartments.    As  the  family  were  considering  what 


^^THK  CALL  OF  THE  WILD* 


21 


to  do  the  bell  rang  and  the  ^^^leep-ont"  *^irl  was  standi nj^ 
at  the  door.  How  glad  the  Change  family  were  to  see  her, 
not  on  account  of  tlie  cli amber  work,  but  tliey  thouglit 
through  her  thev  could  figure  out  how  to  get  sometliing  to 
eat.  Fortunate  it  Avas  for  the  Change  family  that  the 
color edjrnaid  was  one  of  those  human  beings  on  this  earth 
without  which  what  would  we  do!  She  was  one  of  those 
who  studies  liow  to  solve  difficulties,  not  create  them. 
When  asked  to  solve  a  problem  doesn't  say,  'Vlt  cannot  be 
done/'  but  "let  us  see."  The  maid  knew  tliere  was  a  kitchen- 
ette in  all  the  apartments.  She  was  aware  tliat  finding 
stores  open  on  Sunday  was  a  difficult  task,  but  around  the 
corner  on  Broadway  was  a  restaurant  that  never  closed, 
where  there  was  a  darkey  waiter  who  was  trying  to  win 
her  heart,  and  she  knew  he  would  shoulder  the  contents 
of  the  whole  restaurant  and  pack  it  to  Van  Cortlandt  Park 
if  she  said  the  word.  She  asked  Mrs.  Change  if  they  couhl 
get  along  on  coffee,  eggs  and  rolls.  ^^Certainly  we  can,  and 
very  glad  to  get  it." 

The  maid  lit  the  gas  in  the  kitchenette,  filled  the  tea 
kettle  half  full  of  water  and  started  out  of  the  door  with 
the  remark:  "Breakfast  will  be  ready  in  30  minutes." 
Inside  of  15  minutes  she  returned  with  some  ground  coffee, 
milk,  eggs,  rolls  and  butter.  She  had  noticed  on  the  little 
shelf  in  the  kitchenette  the  former  occupant  had  left  a 
good  supply  of  sugar,  salt  and  pepper.  True  to  her  word, 
before  the  30  minutes  expired  the  Change  family,  in  their 
morning  gowns,  were  sipping  their  coffee  and  eating  their 
eggs  and  rolls  in  their  own  little  apartment.  Mrs.  Change 
lost  no  time  making  an  arrangement  with  the  "sleep  out'' 
girl  to  come  at  eight  every  morning  to  get  their  breakfast, 
and  raised  her  wages  |5.00  per  month.  She  told  her  she 
need  not  bother  with  the  chamber  work  that  morning  as 


'22  RKNTIN(;  A    FrUMSIIKI)  AI'AK'IMKXT 

tliey  likely  would  all  back  to  bod,  and  as  "Sleep-ont"  left 
for  boiiie  tbe  old  man  slipped  a  dollar  bill  into  lier  liands, 
telliuj;  ber  to  jj^ive  bis  best  regards  to  ber  friend  aronn<l 
the  corner.  Mr.  Cbange  tben  and  tbere  resolved  tbat  tbe 
restaurant  in  tbat  building  wouldn't  see  any  of  bis  wealtb. 

As  the  effect  of  tbe  stimulating  coffee  passed  away,  tli(» 
Change  family  were  in  a  complete  state  of  collapse  and  tlie 
thought  of  spending  the  coming  night  in  tliat  apartment 
so  affected  tbe  daughter  that  she  couldn't  stand  the  strain 
another  minute,  so  she  put  on  her  hat  and  \vra])s,  sneaked 
out  of  the  apartment,  went  to  tbe  garage  wliere  tliey  bad 
installed  their  car,  and  called  up  a  girl  friend,  telling  iier 
she  was  coming  around  for  lier  for  a  whirl  into  the  country, 
ordered  the  chauffeur  to  get  busy,  and  away  she  went  for 
her  friend  and  up  Riverside  Drive.  Tbe  cliauffeur  incpiired 
where  he  was  to  go.  She  replied,  ^'Get  into  Broadway  at 
the  first  turn  and  go  North  and  press  tbe  accelerator.-' 
Boon  Yonkers  was  left  behind  and  then  Tarry  town  and  so 
on  to  Pougbkeepsie.  In  front  of  tbe  Nelson  House  they 
stopped.  Both  girls  were  graduates  of  Vassar,  so  they 
felt  at  home  at  tbe  halfway  stop  to  tbe  Capitol.  On  the 
way  up  Miss  Change  told  her  friend  what  a  liorrible  night 
they  all  had,  that  she  must  have  a  good  night's  rest  or  she 
would  go  crazy.  Miss  Change  ordered  supper  for  tlie  cliauf- 
feur and  told  him  to  return  to  tbe  city.  Not  wishing  to 
have  any  argument,  instead  of  telephoning  she  telegraphed 
her  mother  where  she  was,  how  she  got  there,  who  was 
with  ber  and  tbat  she  had  selected  a  room  for  a  good  night's 
rest  and  would  be  down  by  train  some  time  tomorrow. 

Notwithstanding  it  was  Sunday,  the  din  of  various 
pianos  and  pianolas  bounced  from  one  side  of  the  courts 
to  the  other,  and  in  the  enclosed  court  kitchen  untensils 
were  dancing  the  tango  without  any  ^'hesitation."  The 


''THE  CALL  OF  THE  WILD* 


28 


noises  kept  the  lieacl  of  tlie  (1i;ni,i>e  lioiiscOiold  from  having 
Ills  usual  Siinchiy  siesta,  wliieli  he*  iKMMh'd  nioi-e  on  tliat  day 
tlian  ever  before,  so  lie  dressed,  telling  his  headachy  better 


All  Ai>ai'tiiirnt  llnusc. 


half  that  lu^  was  going  for  a  si  roll.  He  went  over  to  his 
elub,  selected  a  room  on  the  (jniet  side  of  the  honse,  sent  a 
messenger  boy  ''>\>  answer"  aronnd  to  the  apartment, 


24 


REXTIXt;  A   FrKXISIlKl)  APAllTMEXT 


informing  bis  wife  tliat  ho  was  suddenly  called  out  of 
town;  in  fact  had  aliv^ady  left  and  would  not  be  at  bonie 
until  after  office  hours  tomorrow.  Witli  her  daugliter  in 
Pougbkeepsie  for  the  night  and  her  husband,  she  knew  not 
where,  the  prospect  of  sleeping  alone,  or  trying  to,  in  that 
a])artment  for  tlie  night  so  u])set  tlie  mother's  nerv(\s 
that  she  was  afraid  she  would  jump  out  of  the  window,  so 
she  telephoned  to  an  older  sister  in  the  Oranges  that  she 
would  be  out  for  the  night.  She  left  word  with  one  of  the 
elevator  boys  to  tell  ^*Sleep-out"  that  they  would  not  be 
home  Monday  and  for  her  to  call  at  the  usual  time  Tuesday. 
All  of  the  Change  family  had  a  good  night's  rest  and  Mon- 
day eve  found  them  back  in  the  apartment  braced  for  Part 
Two  in  the  little  skit  of  renting  a  furnished  apartment. 


GETTING  INITIATED 


25 


CHArTER  II 

GETTING  INITIATED 

The  sister  in  tlio  Granites  was  boi'ii  in  New  York  Tity, 
liavino-  lived  tliere  nearly  all  her  life,  but  on  account  of  her 
liusband's  health  had  moved  in  to  the  country.  From  her 
sister  Mrs.  Change  learned  a  whole  lot  of  things.  The 
sister  told  her  that  ^'with  your  nice  place  on  Long  Island 
you  should  spend  what  we  call  the  ^veek-end'  there.  Go 
out  there  Saturday  and  stay  until  Monday.  By  so  doing 
you  get  away  from  the  worst  two  nights  in  town,  and  then 
you  all  will  find  that  the  country  air  will  help  you  along  the 
balance  of  the  week."  When  the  mother  disclosed  the 
"W'eek-end"  scheme  to  her  hubby  and  daughter  they  both 
felt  like  the  convict  who  is  in  the  death  house  in  Sing  Sing 
and  had  just  learned  that  the  Court  of  Appeals  had  granted 
him  a  new  trial.  The  daughter  fairly  jumped  with  delight. 
^'We  will  get  Rex  back  from  the  kennel  for  the  two  days, 
take  ^Sleep-out'  along  and  won't  we  have  a  glorious  time.'' 
When  the  Change  family  realized  that  Saturday  was  only 
a  few  days  away  before  they  would  again  ^^rock  me  to  sleep 
mother"  in  their  quiet  country  home,  they  all  felt  so  elated 
that  the  roar  of  tlie  court  disturbed  their  repose  no  longer, 
in  fact  they  rather  enjoyed  it,  knowing  Innv  delightful  was 
the  coming  contrast.  The  only  noise  in  the  courts  that 
seemed  familiar  was  the  occasional  barking  of  a  dog  in 
the  daytime  and  the  howling  of  some  prowling  cat  at  niglit, 


ni-NTINC   A    FrKMSlIllh   A  I 'A  K'I'.M  F.N  T 


ii()is(\^  tliat   llic  (1i;ni.i:('  f;miily  were  ohid  i,,  iK^ar,  as  it 

n'liiiiKlcd   tluMii  of  tlic  1ia])])y  liome  out  ou  tlio  Island. 

Everybody  was  up  Tuesday  uioruiu^  when  *'Sleep-out" 
arrived. 


The  family  liad  been  under  sucli  a  mental  strain  since 
Saturday  tliat  th(\v  liad  fori^otten  all  about  the  daily  ])ai)ers, 
so  the  head  of  the  lious(^  called  up  the  ele\ator  boy  lo  send 
out  and  make  arrangements  to  have  the  daily  papers  at  the 


GETTING  INITIATED 


27 


door  of  the  apartment.  Mr.  Change  liad  made  a  study  of 
the  question  how  to  keep  peace  in  tlie  family,  consequently 
he  took  three  morning  and  the  like  number  of  evenings 
papers  so  each  member  of  the  family  would  be  relieved  of 
any  anxiety  as  regards  ^^first  aid  to  the  injured." 

As  "Sleep-out"  walked  in,  two  letters  that  had  been 
shoved  under  the  door  were  handed  to  Mr.  Change.  One 
was  from  the  Consolidated  Gas  Company  enclosing  blanks 
requesting  Mr.  Change  to  sign  his  name  in  several  places 
and  to  return  a  check  for  five  dollars  as  a  dei)osit  or  the 
gas  would  be  turned  off.  The  other  letter  was  from  the 
Edison  Electric  Light  people  requesting  3Ir.  Change  to  put 
his  "John  Hancock"  on  a  slip  enclosed  and  remit  |15  by 
return  mail,  as  a  deposit,  or  the  flo-w  of  electricity  would 
cease  to  meander  through  the  apartment.  As  the  second 
demand  raised  the  anti  .flO  a  chill  ran  n\)  and  down  Mr. 
Change's  vertebrae  cA^ery  time  he  glanced  at  the  little  crack 
beneath  the  door,  he  expecting  the  next  deposit  would  be 
$25.  The  Edison  notice  gave  Mr.  Change  some  consola- 
tion, as  they  agreed  to  pay  six  per  cent  interest  on  the 
deposit.  As  the  bank  on  which  the  Edison  check  was  drawn 
paid  no  interest,  Mr.  Change's  only  regret  was  that  the 
deposit  couldn't  have  been  larger. 

After  looking  over  the  morning  papers  Mr.  Change 
left  the  apartment  for  his  office.  Shortly  afterwards  the 
ladies  telephoned  for  the  car.  "Sleep-ouf  finished  her 
work  and  left  for  home. 

Mrs.  Change  often  called  at  her  hubby's  office  at  clos- 
ing time  and  they  Avent  for  dinner  at  one  of  the  various 
restaurants  along  Broadway,  the  daughter  generally  dining 
with  some  friends.  Mrs.  Change's  calls  at  her  husband's 
office  at  closing  time  had  some  other  object  in  view  than 
dinner.    She  knew  that  through  the  arteries  of  her  loved 


28 


RKXTINC   A    ITKMSIIi:!)  ATARTMEXT 


one  soiiH^  s])()rt inii'  still  llowcd  and  slu^  was  a  little 

NUS])i('ions  of  tlie  yonni>-  and  decorated  stenojiraphers  oir- 
eulatin.u  tlir()ni>li  the  various  oflrtees  of  ''('lian<>e  &  Co." 
The  riianiic'  family,  sometimes  in  twos,  and  oceasionally  in 
the  tri])le  alliance,  att(Mi(led  some  theatre  in  tlu*  evenini*". 
With  the  exception  of  the  noise  of  the  (hunb-waiter  buzzer, 
by  the  milk  man,  the  janitor  for  i>arba<ie,  the  ice-man,  the 
p'ocer,  the  laundry  man,  the  baker  and  men  entering  the 
apartment  to  study  the  hiero«iiy])hics  of  the  various  meters, 
to  kill  cockroaches  and  croton  water  bu<is,  and  the  rounds 
of  the  8U])erinten(lent  to  see  if  everything;'  was  working  all 
right,  the  little  tingle  of  the  door  bell,  as  mail  and  bills 
were  shoved  under  the  door,  the  occasional  ringing  of  the 
telephone,  the  ])ounding  of  the  steampipes  and  the  roar  of 
the  courts,  the  apartnuuit  was  as  (piiet  as  the  grav(\ 

Nothing  out  of  the  ordinary  of  life  in  the  average 
New  York  apartment  occurred  during  the  first  week  of 
the  Change  family's  occupancy.  The  mocking  bird  across 
the  court  hadn't  yet  satisfied  herself  that  ^lelba  was  down 
and  out,  Paderewski  and  Caruso,  like  the  old  guard  at 
Waterloo,  decided  they  would  rather  die  than  surrender, 
and  the  man  higher  up  couldn't  have  yet  liciuidated  the 
note. 

When  Saturday  morning  came,  the  grips  wer(»  packed 
for  the  week  end.  The  caretaker  at  the  Long  Island  home, 
who  slept  in  the  garage,  Avas  notified  to  have  the  water 
turned  on,  the  furnace  started  and  get  everything  in  read- 
iness for  the  r(4urn  of  the  ])ilgrims.  On  the  arrival  of  the 
ladies  the  caretaker  informed  them  that  he  had  just  heard 
that  Rex  had  died  the  night  !)ef(uv  with  distem])er,  brought 
on,  no  doubt,  by  the  conlinement  and  association  in  the 
kennel.  The  dog's  death  nearly  broke  the  family  up,  as 
Rex's  affection  for  his  master  was  on  a  par  with  all  dogs, 


r.ETTTXC  TXTTTATEO 


29 


and  Ill's  reputation  for  Avatcli fulness  had  gone  far  and  wide. 
Evildoers  were  not  ^^eleonle,  as  many  a  seat  of  trousei'S 
scattered  over  tlie  lawn  eould  testify. 

Tlu*  Saturday  llie  diauiic  family  returned  to  tlicir 
home  was  clear  and  balmy.  Tliey  sent  the  caretaker  to 
the  various  stores  to  supply  the  larder.    The  train  ^'Sleep- 


Rex. 


out"  was  to  come  on  came  and  left,  others  followed  but  no 
"Sleep-out."  Everybody  was  getting  hungry,  so  there  was 
nothing  to  do  but  for  the  mother  and  daughter  to  put  on 
aprons  and  tackle  the  grub  and  range  question.  The  sun 
went  down,  the  moon  came  up  and  the  stars  shone  forth 
and  still  no  "Sleep-out.''    The  morning  came  and  still  no 


30 


REXTIXC  A   ri  KNISlIKl)  ATAllT^rKXT 


tidings  of  tlie  one  juixionsly  looked  for.  \i  was  a  sorry 
week-end  for  tlie  (Miaiip'  family.  How  tliey  did  miss 
Kex,  and  llie  faitlifnl  servants  they  lei  uo  wlien  the  fur- 
nished a})arlinent  scheme  a])i)eared  on  the  horizon.  They 
never  ap])reeiated  their  home  as  they  did  that  day,  but 
the  death  of  Kex  east  a  ^loom  over  it  all.  They  all  retired 
early  for  an  exi)ected  uood  nit>ht\s  rest,  but,  strani^e  as  it 
may  seem,  it  Avas  with  diflfieulty  they  eould  i>et  to  sleep. 
They  had  i^otten  used  to  the  noises  of  the  apartment  and 
the  deadly  silenee  of  the  J^on.<»'  Island  home  had  a  contrary 
eli'eet  to  what  they  had  exi)eeted,  but  Sunday  ni<»ht  they  all 
slept  well  a<j;ain.  The  ladies  were  still  performing  the 
duties  of  cook  and  chambermaid  as  the  week-end  expired. 

On  the  arrival  of  the  ladies  at  the  apartment  what  a 
sight  greeted  them.  Everything  had  been  ransaek(Hl.  Cost- 
ly gowns  and  what  jc^welry  had  been  left  behind  W(Te  gone. 
The  place  looked  as  if  there  luul  been  a  cyclone  through  it. 
Empty  bottles,  cigarettes  and  cigar  stumps,  remnants  of 
provender,  broken  crockery  littered  the  floor.  One  of  the 
elevator  boys  informed  Mrs.  Change  that  Saturday  night 
^^Sleep-out"  had  given  a  little  '^jamboree"  to  some  friends. 
The  Change  family  got  some  satisfaction  out  of  it,  for 
'^Sleep-out''  and  her  guests  had  paid  Paderewski  and 
Caruso,  the  man  higher  up  and  the  rest  back  in  their  ow^n 
coin.  The  ladies  were  not  surju'lsed,  as  the  accustomed 
time  for  ''Slee])-out"  to  return  i)assed  and  she  failed  to 
materialize,  in  fact  the  Change  family  never  saw  nor  heard 
of  her  again,  and  not  knowing  her  name  or  address,  she 
couldn't  be  located.  The  party  of  whom  Mr.  Change 
rented  the  ai)artment  was  in  Europe.  Under  the  lease 
Mr.  Change  was  responsible  for  all  loss  and  damage.  As 
time  wore  on  the  Change  family  would  discover'  nc^w  ar- 
ticles that  had  left  when  ''Sleei)-out"  vanished  from  the 


GKTTTXd  IXITTATKD 


31 


scene.  Tlie  riuniiiv  fjiinilv  inndc  ilieir  ]M'nce  witli  the  pro- 
prietor of  the  restaurant  and  j;ave  up  atleniptinj]:  to  en- 
gage any  more  sleep  outs  or  ins.  Tliey  decided  to  take  at 
least  tlieir  breakfast  in  llie  house  i-eslauraid  and  hire  a 
woman  to  come  in  for  a  few  hours  daily,  while  some  of 
the  family  were  there,  and  set  thinos  to  rights. 

On  a  bright  afternoon  while  at  luncli(M)n  in  the  restau- 


Our  Protectors. 


rant  of  the  Phange  apartment,  five  of  the  battleships  of 
the  Atlantic  fleet,  accompanicMl  by  several  destroyers,  wc^e 
seen  coming  up  the  bay  from  the  anchorage  off  Tompkins- 
ville.  Some  ceremonies  were  taking  place  at  Grant's  Tond) 
and  the  battleships  Avere  firing  a  salute  as  they  circled  by. 
It  certainly  Avas  an  inspiring  sight  to  see  those  dogs  of 
war  steaming  magnilicently  along,  the  crew  in  action,  tiring 


32 


RE.\TIX(;  A   FrUXISIIKh  Al'Airr.MKXT 


iho  hiii  .2:1ms.  How  lielploss  would  liave  ])een  tins  p'cat 
rilY  if  those  j^uns  had  hccu  loaded  with  solid  shot.  It 
(l(Mnoiistrat(Ml  the  iieeessity  of  ])re])aredness.  If  they  had 
l)eeii  ships  of  an  enemy,  this  rich  eity  would  have  been  at 
their  nieiry.  AVith  our  thousands  of  miles  of  coast  line, 
our  naval  defense  should  be  the  equal  if  not  the  superior  to 
any  nation  on  earth. 

So  far  as  an  army  is  concerned,  if  any  nation  needed 
one,  it  is  the  Ignited  States.  We  need  a  hirge  army  not 
only  to  defend  us  from  forei<>n  invasion  but  to  protect  us 
from  domestic  n])risini>'.  We  have  as  much  to  fear  from 
within  as  from  witliout.  The  July  riots  of  1S()3,  in  this 
city,  showed  our  utter  helplessness  when  the  mob  arose. 
There  are  today  in  this  country  tenfold  worse  elements 
than  in  1803.  Amonii  other  issues  to  settle  is  the  one  be- 
tween ca])ila]  and  labor,  also  whether  "the  man  in  the 
street"  has  any  ri.iihts  that  the  i»reat  cond)iuations  intend  to 
recognize.  The  foreiiiu  element  brinj^s  to  this  country  from 
the  Fatherland  the  animosities  toward  one  another,  and  a 
conflict  between  them  is  always  in  embryo.  The  attack  on 
the  Oranj:>e  parade  in  the  days  of  Col.  Fisk(^  confirms  that 
contention.  The  antagonism  in  this  country  between  the 
dilierent  nationalties  of  foreign  birth,  caused  by  the  pres- 
ent war  of  nations,  any  day  nmy  call  for  the  strong  arm 
of  an  ade(juate  army  of  regulars. 

The  restaurant  was  on  the  top  floor  and  so  constructed 
that  in  the  good  old  summer  time  it  could  be  converted 
into  a  roof  garden.  The  apartment  house  towered  above 
the  surrounding  buildings.  It  was  on  a  high  elevation  and 
as  the  ground  sloped  from  the  building  in  all  directions  the 
view  from  the  restaurant  was  grand  and  extensive.  To  the 
West  was  the  Hudson,  the  Palisades  and  the  Jersey  Hills, 
to  the  North  was  (yrant's  Tomb,  Washington  Heights, 


CETI'IXd  IXi'riA'I'KI) 


33 


Columbia  Univd-sity,  liocklaiid  (Nmiity  and  tlio  Tapi)en 
/(M',  ii)  ihv  K'Asi  our  (MHild  look  far  out  on  to  Long  Island 
and  llic  Sonnd,  to  the  Soutli  the  down-town  skysci'ai)ers, 
the  harbor  of  New  York  with  its  never  ceasing  maritime 
traffic,  the  Narrows  with  its  forts,  and  Coney  Island  and 


Across  the  Hudson  to  Jersey. 


8andy  Hook  were  before  you.  The  viands  were  well  cooked 
and  the  service  par  excellence,  but  oh  I  what  an  expense. 
The  required  tip  to  the  waiter  would  alone  have  bought 
Mr.  Change  a  sufficient  meal,  but  an  American  must  be  a 
spender  or  disgrace  the  flag.    Wliat  a  nation  of  spend- 


KEXTixc;  A  rrRxisiiEi)  Aiwirr.MKXT 


thrifts  wo  are,  hotli  (^lOvcM-iniKMitai  and  individual.  The 
Goverunieut  at  Wasliiniitou  makes  a])})r()])riations  as  if 
the  United  States  Avas  a  gold  mine  from  tlie  Atlantic  to 
the  Pacific.  Cities  all  over  the  land,  through  taxation,  are 
running  close  to  confiscation.  The  Civil  War  created  the 
millionaire,  and  the  example  he  sets  as  regards  display  the 
^'poor  millionaire"  tries  to  ape,  with  the  result  that  in  case 
the  ape  cannot  jH'oduce  money  enough  from  his  daily 
occupation  to  meet  all  this  extravagance  he  complains 
about  his  business  and  looks  to  legishitive  halls  for  relief. 
There  are  few  business  men  that  are  not  making  money 
enough,  if  economically  expended,  to  provide  themselves 
and  their  families  with  the  necessaries  of  life,  but  because 
he  hasn't  force  of  character  to  resist  temptation  and  can- 
not folloAV  in  the  footsteps  of  the  men  who  have  grown 
rich  through  Government  favor  and  protection,  and  by 
looting  corporations  over  which  they  had  temporary  con- 
trol, he  howls  over  the  condition  of  things  generally  and 
his  own  sad  lot  in  particular. 

The  greatest  peril  of  our  country  today  is  the  influx 
to  the  great  cities  of  the  youth  of  the  land,  converting  into 
consumers  who  should  be  producers.  A  few  years  ago  the 
wTiter  was  passing  over  a  highway  leading  from  8ebec 
Lake,  Maine,  to  Brownville.  About  every  other  farm  was 
abandoned.  All  the  buildings  seemed  to  be  in  good  condi- 
tion and  the  high  grass  and  weeds  growing  in  the  fields 
proved  that  the  soil  was  productive.  Imjuiring  of  the 
chauffeur,  who  seemed  to  be  an  intelligent  felloAV,  in  fact  a 
university  graduate,  what  caused  the  abandonment  of  the 
farms,  he  said:  "There  are  two  reasons.  First,  the  State 
neglects  to  pass  the  reasonable  laws  requested  by  the  pro- 
ducers, and  secondly,  the  i)reference  of  the  young  people 
for  life  in  town  to  that  in  the  country.    These  farms  you 


(JET'I'IXC  INITIATED 


35 


see  liere  were  once  under  a  liij^li  state  of  cultivation. 
Occasionally  one  of  the  youn^-  i)eoj)l(*  would  break  the 
hounds  of  what  they  termed  an  unreiiiunerat  ive  solitary 
life  of  drudgery  and  go  to  Milo.  Milo  is  a  manufacturing 
town  about  twelve  miles  away.  Sundays  and  holidays  those 
young  people,  who  had  remained  on  the  farms,  would  see 
their  former  associates  passing  along  the  highways  in 
automobiles,  and  who  had  spent  their  last  cent  to  deck  out 
in  clothes  of  the  latest  fashion.  The  ]\Iilo  delegation 
would  stop  and  tell  the  country  lassies  of  the  gay  times 
tliey  had  tangoing  down  in  Milo  and  going  to  the  movies 
witli  their  sweethearts.  Consequently  life  was  a  seeming- 
burden  to  those  who  had  remained  on  the  farms,  and  they, 
too,  finally  quit  milking  cows,  abandoned  the  farms  and 
entered  the  spool  and  Avoollen  mills  at  ^lilo.  The  young 
people  gone,  the  old  people  were  unable  to  carry  on  the 
farms  and  they,  too,  went  to  Milo,  and  instead  of  being 
producers,  so  far  as  ^our  daily  bread'  is  concerned,  they  all 
became  consumers."  The  story  of  the  highway  from  Sebec 
Lake  to  Brownville  has  its  counteri)art  along  the  high- 
ways of  many  States  of  this  Union. 

Politicians  may  continue  to  pass  laws,  and  wise  gentle- 
men in  swallow  tail  coats  and  extensive  shirt  fronts,  ex- 
press their  views  concerning  the  solution  of  the  problem  of 
the  high  cost  of  living,  but  the  millenium  will  not  dawn 
while  producers  of  the  '^staff  of  life"  are  being  converted 
into  consumers,  and  the  author  knows  of  no  more  important 
legislation  than  to  help,  aid  and  assist  those  who  are  will- 
ing to  cultivate  tlu^  ac(]uaintance  of  the  broad  acres  of 
Uncle  Sam's  domain  instead  of  the  narrow  streets  of  his 
towns.  Mr.  Change  was  once  a  producer  of  live  stock  on 
the  plains,  and  if  th(»  Ignited  States  (lovernment  had  pro- 
tected the  stock  raiser  instcjid  (►f  leaving  him  at  tlu^  uk^-cv 


IJF.X'I'I \(;   A    I-|  K\ISIIi:i>  AI'ART.MKX'I' 


of  1  iKM'jnlrojids  niid  I  lie  lircjit  Ihm'I' coinhiiuit  ion,  llionsaiuls 
of  stock  incii  would  liiixc  i-ciiui incd  in  (lie  iiKlnstry. 

On  acc'ouul  of  llic  situation  of  the  (Mian^c  apartnuMit 
tlie  snii  U(^v(M'  slionc  dir(H*tly  tlicreiii,  only  by  rc^llection. 
^yllon  tlie  snn  was  at  a  (-(M-tain  an.ule  it  would  strike  the 
o]>])osite  side  of  the  northerly  court  an<l  earoni  into  the 


The  Lung  Island  Home. 


(Jliauge  ai)artnient.  The  family  would  often  sit  aronnd 
the  refleetion  and  i-efleet.  What  a  wcdeonie  .ii,uest  was 
little  Miss  Kefleetion.  She  n(^V(M'  came  on  cloudy  days. 
On  snnny  days  liow  anxiously  the  (lian.lie  family  looked 
for  lier  arrival.  She  wonld  lirst  a])])ear  in  the  parlor, 
slowly  and  (|ui(Mly  move  into  the  dinin.ii  roiun  and  then 


(;F/rTi.\(;  ixitia  rF.i> 


37 


along  tlie  floor  of  oiu'  of  tlie  IxmI rooms,  creep  up  its  Avail 
and  disappear  until  some  other  sunny  day. 

]Mr.  (Mianjj^c  fell  aslcn^p  late  one  Sunday  afternoon  Avliile 
silting  alongside  of  the  refleetion.  The  reflection  Avas  tlui 
hisl  thing  he  saw,  consequently  a  dream  he  had  Avas  along 
reflected  lines.  lie  dreamt  of  the  home  on  Long  Island 
and  the  house  through  Avhich  the  rays  of  the  sun  ncA^er 
ceased  from  its  rising  to  its  setting.  He  could  see  himself 
in  a  negligee  shirt,  a  someAAduit  Avorn,  loosely-fitting  suit  of 
clothes  and  a  broad  and  easy  pair  of  shoes,  Ava Iking  A\ith 
the  departed  dog  as  a  companion  OA'er  the  A'eh'etA^  laAA^ns 
of  the  Change  estate.  The  SAAcet  fragrance  of  the  floAver 
beds  AN'as  in  the  air.  In  the  trees  the  chattering  birds  AA'ere 
feeding  their  young.  Delicious  fruit  hung  from  many 
vines.  Mr.  Change's  stomach  having  passed  the  meat 
period  of  life,  hoAv  anxiously  lie  Avatched  the  vegetable 
garden.  He  could  see  the  chauffeur  standing  in  the  door 
of  the  garage  ready  to  take  him  for  a  spin  over  the  shady, 
smooth  higliAvays  of  Long  Island,  Avith  its  extensiA'e  vieAvs 
of  the  Sound  and  ocean.  The  saddle  horses  of  his  Avife 
and  daughter  racing  owr  the  pasture  Avere  Avhinnying 
their  recognition.  Well-trained  serA^ants  Avere  in  the  house. 
He  dreamt  of  the  golf  grounds  only  a  stone's  tliroAV  aAvay, 
Avhere  Avith  pheasant  companions  he  sought  exercise  and 
healtli  in  the  oi)en.  Tlie  exhausted  cells  in  ^fr.  Change's 
gray  mattc^r  having  been  temporarily  supplied,  he  aAvoke. 
The  reflection  AAas  gone,  carrying  Avith  it  the  realization  of 
only  a  dream.  TAvilight  AA'as  casting  its  shadoAvs  through 
the  courts.  Mr.  Change  arose,  sought  his  boudoir  and  pre- 
pared himself  for  the  nerA^e-racking  life  Ave  are  taught  to 
belieA'e  is  civilization. 


38 


RENTIN(;  A  FrKMSIlKI)  APARTMENT 


CHAPTER  III. 


THE  HOLIDAYS 


The  tinio  of  tlio  voar  was  approach  in. "whon  the  days 
roniiiicnco  to  l(»n.i»tlion,  the  cold  comnionccs  to  stronj^then." 
At  tliat  time  of  tlie  year  the  liead  of  the  lioiise  has  some- 
thinii  else  to  fear  than  tlic  strengtliening  cohl.  Cliristinas, 
for  instance.  If  one  really  wants  to  appreciate  the  beau- 
ties of  this  life  he  wants  to  be  at  the  head  of  a  honsehold. 
He  is  the  one  they  all  look  to  when  the  purse  needs  re- 
plenisliinj;-.  It  makes  little  difference  Avhethcr  lie  has  it 
or  not,  he  must  produce.  They  are  not  aware  that  with 
the  averajie  business  man  of  to-day  it  is  not  a  question  of 
making  more  money,  but  to  keep  from  losing  what  he 
already  has.  Those  wlio  liavcMi't  liad  the  experience  infer 
that  as  the  liead  of  tlie  honse  is  in  business,  opens  and  shuts 
a  roll-top  desk,  he  must  necessarily  be  coining  moncn',  there- 
fore when  denuuids  are  made  on  him  for  the  necessary  coin, 
it  is  nuTe  selfishness  on  liis  part  not  to  ''come  across.'' 
About  all  the  i)erplexing  ])roblcms  of  the  family  affairs  are 
discussed  with  him  for  a  solution,  and  he  nuist  solve  them 
to  the  satisfaction  of  everybody.  All  of  the  rest  of  the 
household  can  get  excited,  persistent  and  lose  their  tempers, 
but  the  head  of  the  house  is  expected  to  keep  cool,  yielding 
and  pleasant.  If  one  liasn't  tliosc  (lualifications  or  neglects 
to  acquire  them,  he  should  not  cnd)ark  in  the  head  of  the 
household  business. 


Mr.  Change,  Head  of  the  Household. 


40 


KKXl'lNC  A   rriiMSIlKD   A  TA  KI'.M  K  NT 


As  dirishnas  lime  ji])])1'();ic1i(m1,  cold  cliills,  cjiusiMl  not 
altoii't'tlicr  fVniii  ilic  w  en  I  Ikt,  rnii  np  iind  <l(»\\ii  tli'.'  Nci'tc- 

of  the  of  llic  Iiouscliold ,  vcl  il"  lie  is  one  of  tliose 

fortiniiitc  indi\iduals  Ims,  wiml   li;is  liclix'd  iiumy  a 

])(MH'  soul  (►\('r  ilic  roiiiili  ])la('('s  of  this  existence,  a  sense  of 
liniiKU*,  he  ucts  some  satisfaction  out  ol  il.  Uefoi-e  ( 'hrist- 
nias  time,  aftei*  leaNinii'  tlie  elevator,  tlie  boys  left  yon  to 
o])en  tile  fi'ont  door  of  the  apartment  lionse  as  yon  made 
your  exit  to  the  street,  hut  as  Christmas  time  ai)proached, 
no  more  o])enin.u  the  front  door  by  tenants.  The  ])aee  at 
Avliich  the  boys  would  cover  the  di^stance  between  the  eleva- 
tor and  the  front  door,  yon  wonhl  tliink  tlu\v  were  tryinj? 
to  stretch  a  threed>ase  hit  into  a  home  run.  The  superin- 
tendent seemed  (piite  anxious,  as  he  nuuU'  his  rounds,  to 
see  if  everythinji'  was  niovin«>'  ah)ni>-  to  your  likin"-.  Even 
the  f(dlow  who  hollered  "'garbage''  up  the  (hnnb-waiter  had 
annexed  the  ^\()rd  "i)lease.''  The  laundry  man  otiered  to 
deliver  the  wash  at  the  a])artm(nit  door  if  it  was  more 
convenient  to  yon  than  via  the  dund)-waiter.  The  ice-man 
would  sing  to  you,  ''How  would  you  like  to  be  the  ice-man?'' 
as  the  cake  travelled  towards  the  refrigerator.  The  men 
wlio  called  to  ''take"  the  various  meters,  who  heretofore 
met  you  with  a  cohl  stare  when  you  asked  for  a  little  in- 
formation to  ascertain  Iioav  much  you  Avere  being  over- 
charged, were  delighted  to  exi)lain  the  mechanism  of  the 
dials.  l{]ven  the  letter  carrier,  whom  l^ncle  Sam  should 
l>ay  a  suflicient  salary  so  he,  too,  would  not  be  in  the  beg- 
gar line,  struck  Mr.  Change  to  buy  tickets  for  "our  annual 
ball."  Mr.  Change's  sense  of  humor  vanished  with  the 
letter  carrier. 

Among  (►ther  ap]>eals  to  w  hich  Mr.  ( 'hange  gla<lly  con- 
tributed was  from  the  Sal\ati(Ui  Armw  When  that  organ- 
ization made  its  lirsi  a]>]»earauce  in  the  American  rcdigions 


THE  HOLIDAYS 


41 


arena,  what  ridicule  and  critieisnis  it  liad  to  endure. 
Hooted  at  and  judtect  Avitli  missies  by  tlie  youtlis  of  the 
street.  Lau,uhed  at  by  adults,  orstraeisiMl  by  other  reli.^ious 
oriianizati(Uis.  Through  it  all  the  Salvation  Army  con- 
tinued to  work  out  their  idea  of  what  Avas  meant  by  the 
word  Christianity.    As  time  Avore  on,  those  who  had  looked 


Scene  in  Bronx  Park. 


at  the  ^^alvation  Army  as  an  object  of  ridicule  began  to 
realize  that  they  followed  the  teachings  of  the  SaA'iour 
nearer  than  any  other  religious  organization.  AVhile  the 
churches  of  the  rich  Aver(^  sending  missionaries  to  China, 
raising  funds  to  erect  more  im])osiug  edifices  and  nuiking 
contributions  t(^  institutions  educate  young  men  for  the 
ministry,  the  Sahalion  Army  an  as  devoting  its  strength 


42 


KKXTIXG  A   FI  RNISHKI)  APAK  TM  HN T 


juul  funds  to  feed,  clothe  and  liouse  the  poor  unfortunates 
of  cities  in  wliich  they  had  a  branch.    If  some  poor,  coM, 
luingT}^  soul  in  Xew  York  City  soui^ht  food  and  sheltei 
would  lie  seek  tlu'  reli<>ious  organizations  alon^i;  Fiftli  A\<' 
nue  or  would  lie  ratlier  turn  to  the  less  pretentious  hea  l 
quarters  of  the  Volunteers  of  America,  who,  he  knew, 
matter  wluit  his  reliiiion,  age,  condition,  sex  or  color,  woul 
welcome  him?    In  the  great  city  of  London  it  is  the  Sa! 
ration  Army  whose  members  seek  out  tlie  fallen  wome  i 
and  try  to  lead  them  back  to  a  purer  life.    The  Salvation 
Army  embodies  the  word  Christianity  as  no  other  religion  ; 
organization  does  on  the  face  of  the  globe. 

It  was  the  day  after  Cliristnuis  that  a  little  fair-haired 
girl  stood  at  a  AvindoAv  overlooking  the  court,  w^eeping  as  if 
her  heart  would  break.  To  her  mother,  wlio  was  standing 
beside  her,  the  little  one,  with  lier  chubby  tingers  was 
pointing  down  to  the  court.  Passing  along  on  the  top  of 
a  pile  of  rubbish  was  the  Christmas  tree  of  the  day  before. 
Can  one  imagine  the  feelings  of  tliat  child  as  she  saw  one 
of  the  dearest  treasures  of  her  life  so  humiliated?  How 
like  many  of  tliis  world  Avas  that  Cliristnias  tree!  Like 
the  newborn,  with  what  ecstacies  it  was  first  welcomed, 
crowned  with  laurels,  yet  finally  to  lose  its  embellishments 
and  become  a  derelict  on  the  sea  of  life. 

The  Change  family  spent  part  of  the  holidays  at  their 
Long  Island  home.  They  took  along  the  woman  who  came 
in  daily,  and  as  she  was  a  good  cook  and  as  there  was  not 
any  snow,  the  family  enjoyed  the  delightful  trips  in  their 
automoblie  over  the  smootli,  macadamized  driveways  of 
Nassau  and  Suffork  Counties.  The  turn  of  the  year  brought 
the  dreaded  cold  waves. 

As  the  water  had  been  turned  on  at  th(»  Long  Island 
home,  tlie  caretaker  was  told  to  keep  a  good  fire  in  the 


TIIK  HOLIDAYS 


43 


furnace  and  not  let  it  go  out,  as  tlu'  pipes  miglit  freeze. 
The  father  took  the  morning  express  for  the  city,  the 
mother  and  daughter  and  'K'all  Daih"  by  auto  for  tlie 
apartment.  V\)  to  tliat  time  Uw  bone  over  wliicli  the  average 


One  of  Central  Park's  Winding  Highways, 


New  York  tenant  and  janitor  usually  quarrel — tlu^  heat 
question — had  not  been  in  evidence,  as  the  weather  liad 
been  more  like  spring  than  winter. 

Tlie  family  had  attended  the  tlieatre  the  evening  of 


44 


KF.N  ri.\(;   A    I  l  KMSlIKh  ATAin'MKNT 


their  arrival  from  tlicir  Loii^'  Island  lionu'  and  had  taken 
au  after-thoatro  dinner.  It  was  after  inidni.uht  when  they 
r(4urned  to  the  a])artinent.  It  was  as  cold  as  a  barn.  The 
radiators  were  turned  on  and  the  Chani^c  family  were  eon- 
iii-atnlatinu'  themselves  that  shortlv  thev  wonld  be  toastinjjf 
llieir  feet.  After  waiting  lialf  an  hour  for  the  still  cold 
radiators  to  respond,  they  called  np  the  superintendent's 
otfice  and  iiuiuired  what  was  the  matter  with  the  heat. 
They  all  nearly  had  a  lit  when  the  superintendent  informed 
them  that  ^^the  heat  is  always  turned  off  at  11  P.  ^I.  and  is 
not  turned  on  again  until  5  A.  M."  ^^We  are  nearly  frozen, 
what  are  we  going  to  do?"  ^'Light  the  gas  logs."  The 
gas  logs  were  lit  and  Mr.  Change  saAv  himself  paying  the 
gas  company  for  heat  that  should  be  furnished  by  the 
apartment  house.  How  they  did  miss  the  open  grates  of 
their  Long  Island  home.  The  gas  logs  proved  a  poor 
substitute  for  the  radiator,  where  heat  was  concerned,  but 
if  it  had  been  a  (juestion  of  flavor  the  radiators  Avere  a  poor 
second.  The  odor  from  the  escaping  gas  so  permeated  the 
ai)artment  that  there  was  nothing  else  to  do  but  turn  it 
oti"  and  go  to  bed,  or  be  asphyxiated  and  frozen  at  the  same 
time.  The  Change  family  were  so  mad  and  cold  that  little 
slee])  they  had,  and  how  anxiously  they  watched  the  slowly 
moving  clock  as  it  made  its  rounds  to  5  A.  31.,  and  how 
(hdighted  tlu\v  were  as  they  heard  the  radiators,  like  the 
early  birds  on  their  Long  Island  estate,  singing  the  song 
of  the  awakening. 

Physicians  tell  us  that  numy  gand)lers  die  from  a 
disease  known  as  ''suppressed  emotion."  \Vhat  a  relief  it 
is  that  thei-e  is  a  disease  w  ilhonl  Ihe  I erni i na I  i( mi  **itis." 
Certainly  Ihe  ]»a(ient  alllichMl  "sn]>])ressed  emotion" 

hassomelhing  1o  be  tliaidd'nl  for.  A  pi-ofessional  gand)ler, 
if  playing  against  a  n(>vice,  can  tell  i'vom  the  exju'ession 


Tin:  IIOIJDAVS 


45 


oil  the  biymnirs  f.-icc  ns  lie  lifts  liis  cjii'ds,  tlic  iijiliii-e  of  the 
liand.     X(M  so  llic  stoic  niMiiihlei'.    Our  cjiimol  icil 

from  liis  vsioi:iioni y  a\  Iict  her  it  is  ji  ]»jiir  of  deuces  or 
four  aces,  (iiviiiii  vent  to  your  feelings  is  al)solutely 
iK^eessary  for  a  healthy  mind  and  body.  Nothing  bettei* 
tlian  langhing  and  orying.    Swearing  sometimes  helps.  If 


Unloading-  tlie  Night  Shift. 


it  were  not  for  N(^w  Year's  Eve  the  Oreat  White  Way  would 
he  a  graveyard.  It  is  on  that  night  that  the  lid  is  raised 
from  the  long  ])ent-u]),  suppressed  emotion  of  New  York, 
yet  there  are  those  Avho  would  deny  the  New  Yorker  in  his 
own  sweet  way  of  seeing  the  passing  of  the  old  and  the 
entrance  of  the  new.  Those  i)(M)])le  whose  aim  in  life  seems 
to  be  to  regulate  their  fellow-man,  cause  nine-tenths  of  the 


40 


iM:.\'ri.\(;  a  ri  KMsi  i  i:i»  a u  im  r 


tr()iil)l(M)f  tlio  li()iis{Oi()l<l.  Yoi'lvci's  ;ni<)  llicir  country 

cousins  wcvv  mnkinu  I'cscx  ;il  ions  for  (lie  ;mmi;il  snpj)ressed 
(Miiolioii  l)lo\\  -onl  w  lien  one  of  llicsc  rc^ii IjH  i iii;  individuals 
called  forth  the  f()llowin<i  reply  from  the  ^layor: 

":\rY  Dear  Sir: 

Your  lelter  of  December  1st  has  been  received.  It  is 
cei'lainly  no!  my  intcmtion  to  take  any  action  with  reference 
lo  all  niL»ht  licens(\s  on  New  Year's  Eve,  which  \\()uld  en- 
courage excessive  drinking  and  revelr}'.  We  must  recog- 
niz(\  however,  the  fact  that  it  is  the  custom  of  this  town, 
of  many  years'  standing,  for  an  unusually  large  number 
of  people  to  go  to  restaui'ants  on  New  Year's  Eve.  In 
recognition  of  this  it  seems  to  me  wise  to  grant,  as  the  law 
em]>owers  m(\  to  restaurants  of  good  reputation,  a  special 
license  Avhich  will  enable  more  people  than  usual  to  take 
a  late  sui)per  on  this  one  night  of  the  year. 

Most  of  those  who  go  to  restaurants  go  merely  to 
cel(d)rate  with  tlieir  friends  the  coming  of  the  new  year, 
without  the  disorder  to  which  you  object.  Permission  to 
restaurants  to  remain  open  Avill  not  be  granted  except 
u]H)n  the  basis  of  their  good  re])utation  as  established  by 
ex])erience.  It  does  not  seem  to  me  to  be  nec(^ssarv,  nor 
do  respectable  citizens  desire  that  people  should  remain 
in  restaurants  past  the  time  that  will  enable  them  to  meet 
their  friends  and  celebrate  the  coming  of  the  new  year  in 
an  orderly  way. 

I  shall,  therefore,  refuse  to  give  to  any  restaurant  a 
license  to  stay  open  all  night.  I  intend,  however,  to  extend 
to  restaurants  of  good  reputation  for  this  night  oidy,  the 
]>riviledge  of  remaining  open  until  3  o'clock,  which  is  one 
hour  beyond  (he  closing  time  for  restaurants  which  regu- 
larly have  these  licenses.  I  have  instructed  the  Police 
Commissioner  to  see  to  it  that  decency  and  order  are  every- 
where maintained.  Kestaurants  that  permit  drunkenness 
or  disorder  will  be  refused  similar  provisions  in  the  future. 

Sincerely  yours,'' 


THE  HOLIDAYS 


47 


^Ir.  Cliango,  who  had  been  suppressing  emotion  dur- 
ing all  the  busy  days  of  the  year  made  reservation  for  his 
family  and  a  few  guests  at  one  of  the  resorts  along  New 
York's  great  thoroughfare — Broadway. 

It  is  a  naval  supersition  that  if  the  new  boat  sticks 
on  the  ways,  while  being  launched,  it  is  a  bad  omen,  there- 
fore from  time  immemorial  a  bottle  of  wine  is  smashed  over 
it,  evidently  to  stimulate  action,  and  the  smashee  is  gen- 
erally a  pretty  girl  who  also  has  the  effect  of  stimulating 
action.  New  Yorkers  always  worked  on  the  theory  that  it 
is  a  bad  omen  for  the  New  Year  to  stick  on  the  ways,  so 
wine  and  women,  similar  to  the  new  boat,  have  invariably 
been  invoked.  Exception  has  been  taken  to  the  manner 
the  present-day  New  Yorker  has  of  issuing  in  the  New 
Year,  not  to  the  wine  and  women  prescription,  but  to  the 
frequent  dose  of  the  former  and  the  display  of  the  latter. 

The  objectors  evidently  are  not  aware  of  the  example 
set  by  their  fathers  of  welcoming  the  New  Year.  They 
did  not  assemble  after  all  ^^good  people"  had  retired,  and 
between  four  walls  suppress  their  emotions  and  ring  down 
the  curtain  at  3  A.  M.  On  the  contrary,  it  was  a  continuous 
performance,  as  long  as  they  were  able  to  navigate,  to 
make  as  many  calls  on  the  fair  sex  as  possible.  From 
midday  to  twilight,  from  house  to  house  they  went,  "build- 
ing rail  fences"  along  the  public  thoroughfare.  Yet  they 
tell  us  we  should  follow  in  the  footsteps  of  our  fathers. 
A  difficult  task  it  would  have  beeen  on  New  Year's  Day. 

New  Year's  Eve  saw  the  Great  White  ^Vay  in  its 
glory.  One  hour  before  its  arrival,  limousines  were  un- 
loading the  thoroughbreds  of  the  big  town  in  front  of  its 
various  resorts.  Young  and  old  bloods  in  evening  dress, 
and  the  fair  sex  in  the  dress  of  Eve  were  gathering  around 
the  festive  board.    The  menu  was  being  scanned  and  the 


48  i:i:xTi.\(;  a  rrKxisii ai'aki  .m i-nt 

^\  iiic  lisi    consul  led,  ;is  iinc  ixTcoljiicd    ilir<Hii;li  ilic 

al  niosj>li('i'('  <»r  llic  liiiiKHicl  I^<m.u  lines  nf  wniicrs 

wrvv  coniini:  llinmiili  llic  sw  iii^ini:  (loors  I'l-oni  llic  cnliiiary 
<le]);n'l  nuMil ,  bearing  trays  loaded  doN\  u  w  iili  llie  latest 
creations  of  the  cliel'  and  corkscrews  galore.  While  jtleas- 
ure  was  at  its  heiiilit  and  tlie  second  hand  was  nearini:  ilie 


Greeting-  tlie  New  Year. 


aiiidnijilit  lioiir,  tlic  ]i<>lits  wei-e  dimmed,  rciiisterinLi  the 
a])])r()acliin!:i'  death  of  tlie  old  year.  The  e(di])se  was  of 
sh(>rt  dnralion.  As  the  lii;ht  Hashed  a.^ain  ann(Mincin^  the 
arrival  of  the  New  Year,  the  beauty  and  ehivalry  of  the 
<>Teat  meti'cqxdis  were  on  their  feet  to  AV(dco:iie  it. 

Vov  an  hour  ]n-e\ions  lo  llie  lanncliin.u  of  the  New 
Year  eNcry  ]H'ecanlion  had  been  taken  that  il   N\onld  not 


THE  PIOLIDAYS 


49 


stick  on  the  ways.  The  crew  itself,  feariii*;-  that  tliey,  too, 
might  stick  on  tlie  ways,  had  smaslied  the  neck  of  many 
a  bottle.  Th(^  clivistening  of  the  Kew  Year  was  not  left  to 
the  individnal.  As  the  good  sliip  191G  started  down  the 
ways  to  its  sea  of  trouble,  both  within  its  many  caravan- 
saries and  along  its  public  higlnva^^s,  the  lid  of  suppressed 
emotion  was  lifted  from  the  greatest  city  of  the  world. 

During  one  of  the  campaigns  of  Mr.  Bryan  for  the 
Presidency,  Lee  Fairchild  opened  an  address :  ^'Four  j^ears 
have  rolled  around  and  so  have  Mr.  Bryan  and  the 
Democratic  Party.'' 

At  Presidential  elections  is  another  time  the  New 
Yorker  lifts  the  lid  of  sui)pressed  emotion.  It  was,  is, 
and  likely  always  will  l)e,  a  betting  proposition  whether 
the  State  outside  of  New  York  Cit}^  shall  w^ag  the  city  or 
vice  versa.  Before  the  Consolidation  Act,  the  Harlem 
River  was  the  dividing  line.  There  the  Democratic  major- 
ity of  the  city  met  the  Republican  majorit}^  from  up  the 
State.  ^'Down  to  the  bridge'' — meaning  the  Harlem  River 
— was  where  the  forces  met  to  compare  notes.  After  con- 
solidation, the  mighty  P>ronx — the  Xorthern  line  of  the 
great  cit}^ — is  where  the  accountants  meet  and  strike  a 
trial  balance.  It  required  a  lot  of  patience  to  be  a  candi- 
date in  the  earh'  days.  By  couriers  afoot  and  on  horse 
1  jack,  by  stage  coach  and  by  Avater,  the  election  returns  Avere 
carried  to  tlie  four  corners  of  the  Union,  and  it  was  in 
some  cases  weeks  after  the  polls  closed  ere  the  American 
people  knew  who  Avas  to  be  the  next  occupant  of  the  White 
House.  lUit  today,  before  the  midnight  hour  of  Election 
Day,  the  great  croAvds  avIio  gather  and  make  niglit  hideous 
in  front  of  the  offices  of  the  metropolitan  dailies  knoAV  Avho 
is  to  be  their  ruler. 


50 


KKXTixd  A  rrK.\isii!:i>  APAirr.M i:xT 


CHAPTEK  rv. 


STORMS  w  rriioi  r  axi>  wrrnix 


On  one  of  tlie  coldest  iiiolits  in  Avinter  the  riuiii<»'e 
family  were  awakened  about  1  A.  M.  by  a  continuous 
ringing  of  the  telephone.  Mr.  Change  in  his  bare  feet  and 
half  asleep,  put  the  receiver  to  Iiis  ear.  ''I  am  tlie  superin- 
tendent, the  thermometer  is  slowly  falling  and  to  avoid  a 
frcH?ze  up  of  the  pipes,  I  wish  you  would  let  tlie  cold  water 
run  in  the  kitchen  sink,  just  a  small  stream."  ^Ir.  Change 
replied  that  it  was  a  very  good  idea  and  asked  about  the 
bath  tub.  ''There  is  no  use  doing  anything  there  unless 
it  gets  colder,  (lood  night  Mr.  diange."  Mr.  (  Iiange,  half 
frozen,  crawled  under  the  covers  after  answering  divers 
and  sundr}'  questions  fired  at  him  in  rapid  succession  by 
the  female  contingent.  ^Ir.  Cliang(*  lay  aAvake  about  an 
hour  rubbing  one  foot  against  tlie  other,  but  linally  fell 
asleep.  About  3  A.  .M.  the  family  were  awakened  again  by 
another  vigorous  call  of  the  telephone.  Mr.  Change  took 
the  precaution  of  ])utting  on  his  slippers  and  again  lifted 
the  receiver.  "Is  this  .Mr.  Change?"  ''It  is."  "I  am  the 
superintendent.  The  bulb  in  the  thermometer  is  si  ill  fall- 
ing and  I  wish  you  would  let  the  cold  water  also  run  in 
the  lavatory  and  bath  tub  and  it  would  be  well  to  pull  the 
W.  C.  rod  occasionally,  llow  are  your  family  making  it?" 
''They  are  all  awake,  thank  you.''  "I  am  sorry  to  disturb 
you,  but  it  is  better  than  the  iiicoii veiiicnce  it  Avould  ])ut 


stor:ms  withot^t  and  wttiitn 


51 


you  to  if  tli('  pipes  l)iii'st/'  ''You  certainly  are  a  careful 
man  and  if  I  ever  build  an  apartment  house  and  need  a 
superintendent  you  can  consider  yourself  engaged.  Call 
me  up  again  if  you  want  anything  further,  I  like  to  have 
people  Avake  me  up,  especially  in  the  middle  of  the  night. 
Don't  you  thiidc  if  you  tui-ned  on  the  heat  it  might  help 
some?    I  was  going  to  say  good  night  ])ut  I  guess  T  will 


Riverside  Drive,  Soldiers'  Monument. 


say  good  morning.-'  ^Ir.  Change  had  controlled  his  tem- 
])er  thus  far,  but  if  there  had  been  another  ring  the  other 
side  of  ''Dr.  Jekyll  and  ^Ir.  Hyde"  would  have  been  heard 
from.  Fortunateh^  for  all  concerned,  daylight  dawned 
with  no  more  telephone  calls  and  Avater  HoAving  through 
the  Change  faucets. 

About  eight  o'clock  there  Avas  a  knock  at  the  door 


iiiid  ill  \\;ilk('(l  the  siijK'riiil  cikIciiI  .  lie  Ii;h1  oiic  of  tliose 
round.  ]>l(';is;mi  r;ic(\s  with  a  smile  const aiil  l_v  llickcrinir 
across  it,  back  of  wliicli  you  knew  was  a  ])lcasant  (lis])osi- 
tion.  He  could  tak(^  liJi-'^^y,  uui)lcasaiit  i-cinai'ks  on  tln^ 
l)art  of  ini]»alicnt  tenants  as  if  he  enjoycMl  tlieni.  He  was 
one  of  that  l)i'an(l  of  liood  fellows  to  A\honi  you  feel  it  a 
pleasure  to  loan  a  hundred  oi-  two,  even  if  you  knew  at 
th(^  time  you  miiiht  never  s(m'  it  amain.  "I  am  very  sorry, 
]\Ir.  diauiic,  to  inconvenience  you,  esjuM-ially  the  ladies, 
but  the  people  in  the  apartment  directly  overhead  neiilected 
to  do  what  yon  willinuly  did,  therefore  the  i^ipes  are  frozen 
and  1  will  have  to  shut  the  water  off,  yet  I  ho])e  in  the 
course  of  an  hour  to  i:i\'e  you  hot  water  at  least."  All 
day  loni»  and  far  into  the  ni<>ht  above  the  other  noises  was 
heai'd  the  ])onndin,i»  of  the  Kni<>hts  of  the  ]\ronkey  Wrench 
an<l  the  Solderinii'  Iron.  The  break  was  wors(^  than  ex])ect- 
ed,  yet  at  midni!L»ht  the  hot  water  was  on  a<iain,  at  1  A.  M. 
the  cold,  and  the  tenants  of  the  Chani>"e  a])artment  house 
were  once  more  on  the  water  wai^on. 

On  the  evenin<i'  of  the  thii'teenth  of  Januai  y,  a  bliz- 
zard from  the  A\'est  struck  the  city.  H  snowed  and  blowed 
all  ni<»ht  and  was  still  at  it  the  next  niorninm.  Not  bein^ 
able  to  see  the  street  from  the  Change  a])arlment  the  in- 
tensity of  the  storm  and  the  downfall  of  snow  could  not 
be  correctly  ^au^ed,  yet  the  condition  of  the  courts  mave 
one  a  very  i^ood  idea.  The  (laui»hter  having  some  tickets 
for  a  niatinee  telephoned  down  to  the  ojxM-ator  of  the 
s\\i  tell  board,  askinii  the  condition  of  things  oulside.  "It 
is  ])ei'fectly  awful.  The  sti'ei'ts  are  impassable,  the  streel 
cars  are  not  running',  the  elevated  and  subways  are  block(\l 
and  everythinii>-  is  at  a  standstill.'  The  daujihter  tele- 
phoned over  to  the  .uara^c  to  the  chauffeur  and  he  set  U]) 
another  awful  howl.    After  Mi\  (Mian.me  had  his  colfee  and 


STORMS  WITHOI  T  A XI)   W  11111 X 


53 


rolls,  had  read  tlie  iiioriiiiii:,  pajx'r,  lie  made  read}'  to  go  to 
Ills  office. 

Tlie  average  New  Yorker's  idea  of  a  blizzard  always 
did  amuse  Mr.  Change.  ^Ir.  (Iiaiige  in  his  3'Ounger  days 
ran  a  stock  ranch  on  the  plains  long  before  the  days  of 
railroads  and  had  Ixvn  n^)  against  blizzards  that  the  one 
tliat  A\'as  in  esse  at  that  particular  time  was  l)ut  a  passing 


Times  Square,  Change  &  Co. 


caress.  As  Mr.  Change  left  the  elevator,  the  young  lady 
at  the  switchboard  im])lored  liim  not  to  venture  out  in  such 
a  storm.  He  informed  Ikm-  as  was  his  custom,  he  would 
very  likely  walk  from  tlie  j'.parliiKMil  lo  liis  office,  which 
was  at  Times  S(|uar(\  and  he  did.  10\ crylli ing  in  this  life 
is  gauged  b}'  comparison.  Compare  Mr.  Change  in  a  fur- 
lined  overcoat,  cap  and  gloves  to  match,  and  arctics,  walk- 


KK.\Ti.\(;  A  I  I  K.\isiii:i)  ATAi; r.M i:\T 


in<:  Jiloiiii  a  snowy  sidc^wnlk  of  llic  l>i_m  city  witli  an  occa- 
sional gust  of  snow  circulating  ai'ound  his  liaboas  corpus 
and  beinii-  able  to  see  ahead  of  liini  for  blocks,  tlie  hii^li 
build in.iis  breakinj^-  tlie  force  of  the  wind,  with  restaurants 
and  cafes  on  every  block,  and  beinii  caught  out  on  the 
isolated  prairies  of  the  West  in  a  howling  storm  and  unal>lc 
to  see  one  hundred  feet  ahead  of  liini,  driving  a  i)air  of 
horsc^s  li itched  to  a  wagonload  of  hogs  and  a  tifteen-niile 
ti'i])  Ix'fore  liini,  oi-  on  tlie  ])hiins  in  tlie  saddle  trying  to 
head  a  herd  of  cattle  stampeded  by  a  blizzard.  That  had 
been  the  experience  of  the  man  that  the  timid  girl  at  the 
switchboard  Avas  trying  to  scarc^  to  death  with  a  gentle 
zephyr. 

New  Yorkers  who  knew  tlie  town  back  in  the  sixties 
laugh  at  conditions  of  those  days,  lousiness  nuMi  were  sat- 
isfied to  board  a  horse-car  at  City  Hall  with  a  little  bell 
on  one  of  the  beasts  and  jingle  an  hour  away  while  they 
were  on  the  daily  route  to  Yorkville,  Harlem  and  repeat. 
^^The  pace  that  kills^'  was  in  embryo  at  that  time.  The  AVall 
Street  banker  seemed  content  to  clind)  into  a  Fifth  Aa'c- 
nue  stage  draAvn  by  horses  and  at  a  dog  trot,  stopping  at 
every  block,  to  spend  an  hour  crawling  down  the  Avenue 
and  Broadway  to  his  ottice.  There  were  other  conditions  of 
those  early  days  that  amuse  the  present  day  New^  Yorker 
and  they  smile  as  they  ask  each  other  ^'How  did  they  stand 
it?'' 

The  next  generation  will  no  doubt  laugh  at  the  way 
the  big  town  cleaned  house  after  a  big  fall  of  the  beautiful. 
They  will  have  their  doubts,  as  history  informs  them,  that 
the  great  city  of  live  million  peo])le  dei)ended  on  a  lot  of 
broken  down  specimens  of  humanity,  called  the  unem- 
ployed, to  turn  the  trick,  and  if  this  worthless  crowd,  many 
of  whom  were  bums  and  tramps,  refused  to  shovel  snow, 


STORMS  WITTIOT'T  AND  WITHIN 


55 


the  city  would  remain  blocked.  History  will  recount  that 
the  great  city  was  dependent  on  men  to  clean  its  streets 
who  were  half  clothed,  hungry  and  weak,  resulting  from  an 
over-supply  of  booze  and  an  under-supply  of  bread,  and 
before  this  outfit  could  come  to  the  city's  rescue  they  had 
to  be  clothed  and  fed  in  order  to  nourish  them  back  to  life, 
so  to  speak.  If  the  weather  was  not  to  their  liking  they 
would  (juit  and  the  traffic  would  come  to  a  slowdown, 
until  this  conglomeration  of  all  nationalities  would  help 
again  to  lift  the  city  of  its  burden. 

Every  Saturday  was  a  welcome  day  to  the  Change 
family,  as  it  brought  the  "week-end''  around  and  tempor- 
ary relief  from  the  closely  confined  and  noisy  apartment. 
The  snowstorm  prevented  them  making  the  trip  by  auto, 
but  they  decided  if  they  found  the  roads  out  on  the  Island 
in  good  condition  they  would  use  the  car  left  in  the  garage 
at  the  Long  Island  home. 

There  was  quite  a  hill  on  the  Long  Island  estate  and 
an  artificial  pond,  and  as  the  whole  family  was  fond  of 
outdoor  sports,  they  looked  forward  with  delight  to  the 
exhilarating  exercise  of  skating  and  sliding  down  hill.  As 
the  Change  family,  the  chauffeur  and  "In  Daily''  were 
whisked  down  to  the  place  from  the  station  the  man  Avho 
ran  the  taxi  containing  Mr.  Change  told  him  that  his 
caretaker  was  in  the  Mineola  jail  for  running  over  a  man 
while  on  a  nightly  joy  ride.  As  the  family  entered  the 
house  there  was  a  skating  rink  in  half  of  the  rooms,  the 
cellar  was  covered  with  Avater,  the  boiler  in  the  kitchen  had 
burst  and  also  the  pipes  in  one  of  the  bath  rooms,  in  fact 
all  over  the  house.  It  seems  that  the  jailing  of  the  caretaker 
had  taken  away  the  fireman  of  the  Change  establishment 
and  everything  had  frozen  and  the  water  was  still  oozing 
through  the  bursted  pipes.    The  chauffeur  took  off  his 


50 


RKxriNc  A  rrKMsiii:i»  a iwutm i:xT 


slioos  and  stockinjis  and  waded  ilirouiili  the  water  in  llic 
cellar  and  tnrned  oil*  the  sl(>]>  cock.  Mr.  ( 'lianuc  1  cl('])li()n(Ml 
to  ^lincola  and  was  infornuMl  iliat  his  cai-clakci-  was  in 
jail  for  thirty  days  and  the  machine  in  the  Mineola  pira.2je. 
Mr.  (Mianiic  caUed  np  liis  })lnnil)er  and  decorator  to  come 
down  at  once  and  look  the  honse  over.    There  was  notliing 


Skating  Scene  in  Central  Park. 


left  for  tlie  dianiie  family  but  to  retnrn  to  the  city  a])art- 
ment.  How  tlie}^  did  dread  the  comin.ii  nii;h1.  A'isions  of 
raderewski  and  Caruso,  tlie  man  hiuher  up  and  the  superin- 
tendent ]()Wi'V  down,  and  the  nois(^s  in  the  courts,  tliey 
could  already  hear.  Th(\v  decided  they  couldn't  stand  the 
strain,  so  after  a  late  dinner  in  the  restaurant  Ihe  ladies 
started  for  the  Orani>es  and  Mr.  Change  for  his  club. 


STORMS  Wri'llOl  T  AND  WITHIN 


Asalr(^;i(ly  staled,  Mi-s.  ('lian<;('*s  sister  liad  s])('nt  near- 
ly all  lier  life  in  the  city  and  she  found  the  most  satisfac- 
tory mode  of  livini;  was  in  an  ai)artment  hohd.  Ontside 
rooms  predominated  and  they  were  looked  after  by  em- 
])loyees  of  the  hotel.  Vonr  meals  a  la  carte  yon  conld  take 
in  the  hotel  or  not  as  you  chose.    Spacious  parlors  and 


The  Birds  and  Leaves  Are  Gone. 


dancinjii'  halls  were  at  your  service,  where  the  guests  couhl 
get  accjnainted.  The  clash  and  snudl  of  the  culinary  de- 
partment was  confiniMl  to  the  basement.  As  the  sister 
described  the  <lirrerence  between  an  a])artment  hotel  and 
an  apartment  house,  ^Irs.  diauge  realized  what  an  un- 
fortunate mistake  they  had  made  in  renting  a  furnished 


58 


RKN  I'INd   A    I  I  KMsm:!)   AI'AK  TMKXT 


;i])artin(Mit.  "In  1  );i ily"  ucikm-jiHv  ni'i  ivcd  al)ont  ton.  Eleven 
o'clock  came  and  no  **In  Daily."  Tlie  forenoon  and  after- 
noon wor(^  away,  still  no  "In  Daily."  The  snn  crossed  the 
Ilndson,  sank  into  Jersey,  arose  next  morning:,  reached 
i]w  meridian  and  still  ^'In  Daily"  failed  to  put  in  an  aj)- 
pearance. 

After  luncheon  tlie  ladies  started  out  to  find  what  was 
tlie  matter.    "81eei)-()ut'"  had  tauij:ht  them  a  lesson,  so  they 
had  llie  name  and  address  of  "In  Daily."    As  the  car  stoj)- 
])ed  in  front  of  a  flat  house  a  policeman  was  standing  on 
the  steps  and  stoj)pin<r  everyone  who  attem])ted  to  enter 
the  building.    The  ladies  were  informed  that  the  lumse  was 
quarantined  on  account  of  scarlet  fever.    As  they  were 
about  to  leave,  a  window  on  the  third  tlo(u-  opened  and  ''In 
Daily's"  head  appeared.    ''Mrs.  Chaufie,  they  won't  let  us 
out  of  here  and  they  say  it  may  be  two  weeks  yet.  There 
is  a  very  nice  girl,  Maggie  Murphy,  at  08  Columbus  Avenue, 
that  you  can  hire  to  come  in  daily."    ''Thank  you,  we  will 
go  and  interview  Maggie."    The  car  soon  covered  the  dis- 
tance to  Maggie's  home.   The  building  must  have  furnished 
the  inspiration  of  that  popular  song  "Maggie  ^lurphy's 
Home."   Its  presentation  was  so  uninviting  that  the  ladies 
turned  the  investigation  over  to  the  chauffeur.    The  chauf- 
feur shortly  returned  and  Maggie  was  with  him.    After  a 
short  interview,  terms  were  agreed  upon,  Maggie  engaged, 
given  car  fare,  and  was  to  report  the  next  nun^ning  at  ten. 
The  next  day  was  Thursday  and  Maggie  arrived  on  time. 
She  w^as  informed  about  the  "week-end"  scheme  and  gladly 
consented  to  be  cook  and  chambermaid  during  the  week- 
end,   ^laggie  seemed  so  "willing  and  obliging" — has  any 
mistress  of  a  houselndd  ever  heard  those  two  words  before — 
that  the  Change  family  thought  it  would  be  a  good  idea  to 
<]uit  restaurants,  sleep-outs  and  in  dailies,  and  engage 


SToii.Ms  wrriioi  r  A.\n  w  rn iix 


59 


3Iagg'ie  to  take  up  licr  alxxlc  in  the  apart iiicii t ,  lo  which 
]>raggie  readily  consented,  bnt  before  Maggie  retii'ed  from 
tlie  scene  of  action  the  Change  family  had  experi(Miced  an- 
other phase  of  the  servant  question. 

The  author  deems  it  unnecessary  to  inform  tln^  reader 
of  ]\raggie  ]\lnr])liy"s  nationality,  and  when  that  fact  is 


Where  Miss  Murphy  Had  a  Free  Ride. 

established,  the  reader  can  make  a  pretty  good  guess  as 
regards  her  disi)osition.  We  have  often  lieard  tlie  expres- 
sion: ^'Would  rather  tight  tlian  eat."  ^Maggie  would  liave 
freed  Ireland  hmg  ago  if  slie  could  luive  had  an  army  ot 
Amazons  like  herself.  Tlie  ('hange  family  had  lived 
through  so  many  uni)leasant  ordeals  in  conn(M-tion  with 
the  servant  (piestion  that  they  doubted  there  could  be  any- 
thing new  for  them  to  experience  in  that  line,  therefore, 


GO 


KFA'iM.\(;  A  I  I  i;.\isiii;i»  ai-aktm i:\t 


thev  paid  little  nl  ((Mil  ion  lo  Mau.uic  jis  sIk^  would  storm 
thr(Mi<ili  tho  ii])ar(iiuMil,  slainmini; doors  and  ('X])r('ssin,ii  licr 
views  on  tilings  generally,  and  a  few  in  ])art icnlar,  and  ask 
questions  tliat  she  was  allowed  lo  answ(T  to  her  satisfac- 
tion. The  (juestion  linally  arose  whether  the  Chani>e  fannly 
or  ^Maggie  shonld  occupy  tlu^  apartment.  .Air.  Change  oUVred 
to  draw  cuts  with  her.  The  family  found  themselves  u]> 
against  the  word  that  it  recpiii-es  moi'e  di})lomacy  lo  lead 
to  its  ])ronuuciation  than  any  other  in  the  universal  lan- 
guage of  the  world,  the  word  ''discharged."  Mrs.  Change 
wanted  to  discharge  ]\1  aggie,  but  how  and  when  to  do  it  was 
the  ])i'ol)l(Mn  to  solve.  The  suj)erintendent  was  called  in 
for  consultation.  It  seemed  the  sui)erintendent  had  been 
called  in  in  such  cases  many  times  before,  in  fact  if  lu^  saw 
any  trouble  brcAving  he  recjuested  to  be  called  in,  so  tluTe 
wouldn't  be  a  ''scene"  to  distur-b  the  other  tenants.  lie  had 
niade  a  study  how  to  proceed.  The  nearest  closet  to  ^Fag- 
gie's  room  was  cleaned  of  its  contents.  ^Ir.  Change  was 
to  pronounce  the  verdict  when  Maggie  was  near  the  closet 
and  if  Maggie  made  any  breaks  the  supc^'intendeut  would 
shove  her  into  the  closet  and  lock  her  in  and  summon  the 
patrol  wagon.  It  seems  the  captain  of  the  police  precinct 
was  a  brother  of  the  superintendent.  As  the  Avord  "dis- 
charged'' rung  through  the  ai)artment,  ^laggie  made  the 
looked-for  jump,  diving  at  the  throat  of  ]Mr.  Change,  but 
before  she  knew  what  had  happened  she  found  herself 
locked  in  the  closet.  The  patrol  wagon  arrived.  ^laggie 
was  allowed  to  gather  up  her  belongings  and  was  paid  what 
was  coming  to  her,  in  fact  she  got  what  was  coming  to  her 
before  she  was  ])aid.  Mr.  Change  and  the  sui)erintend- 
ent  were  also  ])assengers  on  (he  ])alrol  wagon.  ^laggie  was 
charged  wilh  assault  bul  was  allowed  to  go,  Mr.  Change 
declining  to  ju-ess  the  charge. 


SWEET  WJTII  TUi:  r>ITTER 


61 


CirAPTER  V. 

SWEET  WITH  THE  BITTER 

ThiHie  is  an  expression  tliat  ^'one-lialf  of  the  world 
doesn't  know  liow  tlie  otlier  lialf  lives."  If  yon  Avant  to  see 
tlie  otlier  lialf  v(mt  an  apartment  in  New  York  opening  on 
a  pair  of  ronrts  and  yon  will  see  botli  liah'es.  Tliere  is 
anotlier  expression  tliat  ''it  takes  all  kinds  of  people  to 
make  np  tlie  world."  That  is  anotlier  bill  the  city  apart- 
ment fills. 

If  an  anthor  is  serateliing  his  head  free  of  dandruff  in 
a  pnzzle  to  insjnre  another  ])rodnetion,  if  a  gentleman  of 
the  cloth  is  on  a  still  hunt  for  a  text  for  the  next  sermon, 
if  a  dramatist  who  is  occnp^nng  a  hall  bedroom  and  is  con- 
juring his  brain  for  a  successful  play  to  land  him  in  the 
bridal  chamber,  if  the  short  story  writer  must  produce 
something  acceptable  or  be  dispossessed,  if  the  curious 
want  to  take  a  ])eep  behind  the  scenes,  rent  a  rear  apart- 
ment in  little  old  New  York.  The  only  vicAv  the  Change 
family  had  from  their  apartment  was  the  sky,  the  courts 
and  the  rear  of  the  ai)artments  opening  thereon,  conse- 
(luently  kitchens,  dining  rooms  and  bedrooms  were  the 
landscaxje. 

As  the  Change^  family  occu])ied  the  seventh  floor  apart- 
ment, the  eye  took  in  various  a])artments.  The  apartment 
across  the  Riverside  Drive  court  just  oi)])osite  that  of  the 
Change  family  was  occn])i(Ml  by  a  minister.    The  Change 


ln:.\  ri.\(;  a  im  i:\isiii:i>  ai-aktm  i:\'r 


fninily  could  look  into  tlic  (liniiiu  room.  The  fjiniily  (A  i- 
doiitly  consisted  of  four—  Hil licr.  uioilicr,  dau.ulifcr  ;ind  sou. 
Evcrytliinfi  ;ind  (Acrv  uiovcnicul  N\iis  (juict  ;iud  nicl liodical. 
Tlie  Bible  was  ilicii-  iusjHi-at  iou,  jn-ayer  tlicir  comfort. 


Behind  the  Scenes. 


The  dininji'  table  did  not  groan  under  the  weii^ht  of  viands. 
They  retired  early. 

In  the  apartment  beneath  the  minister  were  several 
decks  of  cards,  a  roulette  table,  tobacco  smoke,  corks,  and 


swp:et  with  tuv.  bitter 


63 


two  men  in  .shirt  sleeves  with  a  couple  of  women  wlio.sci 
attire  reminded  one  of  the  days  of  the  lig  leaf.  They,  also, 
like  the  ministerial  family,  retired  early.  Every  night 
has  two  earlys.  The  men  in  the  shirt  sleeves  and  the  fig- 
leaf  ladies  chose  the  second,  but  not  until  nmny  a  lobster 
and  bottle  of  Burgundy  had  been  laid  low. 

Standing  near  one  of  the  windows  of  the  parlor  of 
the  Change  apartment  at  that  hour  of  night  '^vhen  church- 
yards yawn,'^  if  the  standee  would  elevate  his  oj)tic  a  trifle, 
the  vision  would  come  in  contact  with  the  neatest  litt  e 
bedroom  and  sweetest  little  occupant  that  the  most  exact- 
ing baldhead  could  desire.  She  was  an  actress  fair.  The 
shades  were  never  drawn.  She  divested  her  raiment  so 
seemingly  unconscious  and  artistically  that  one  of  her 
successful  parts  must  have  been  Zerlina  in  Fra  Diavolo. 
None  of  the  males  occupying  the  rear  apartments  went  to 
bed  until  the  shapely  little  creature  returned  and  retired, 
and  if  perchance  she  loitered  by  the  way,  her  waiting 
admirers  were  late  at  their  offices  on  the  morrow. 

The  apartment  directly  across  the  other  court  from 
the  Change  apartment  was  occupied  by  a  family  of  five, 
a  father,  mother  and  three  daughters.  A  guess  would 
range  the  daughters  in  age  from  a  miss  of  5  to  that  of  21. 
Three  bedrooms  opened  in  to  the  court.  Those  three  daugh- 
ters covered  this  life  from  that  of  the  little  doll  to  that  of 
the  young  lady  who  anxiously  looks  for  the  daily  postman. 
An  interesting  sight  it  was  to  see  in  one  of  the  bedrooms 
the  youngest  playing  with  her  dolls,  in  another  the  school 
girl  struggling  with  her  books,  and  in  the  other  bedroom 
the  eldest  scrupulously  preparing  for  the  coming  beaux. 

^'Everybody  loves  a  lover."  A  pretty  little  miss  diagon- 
ally across  the  Riverside  court  from  the  Change  apartment 
had  two.    One  she  certainly  adored.    The  other,  from  "a 


]{i:.\ri.\(;  a  rn{.\isiii:i)  ai'auimkxt 


man  up  a  tree,"  or  move  i)ro])('vly  sjx'akiiiu",  from  tli(» 
Cliaiiii'e  apartmciil,  ii  was  lu-oMciiiat  ical.  (  iilikc  die  ac- 
tress, a\1k'11  llic  iiilcrcsl  iiii:  (imc  arriNcd,  llic  sliadc  w  as 
(Irawu.    The  court       w  as  clone  in  llie  diniuij;  room  on  a 


The  Opposite  Court. 

settee,  one  end  of  wiiicli  was  close  lo  tlie  window.  Tlie 
lovers  were  not  aware  of  the  fact  lhai  lliey  were  between 
an  electric  liiiht  and  the  shad(%  so  every  movement  within 
east  a  shadow  on  the  shadc^,  which  was  clearly  visible  from 


SWEET  Wrj'll  THE  I'.ITTEP. 


05 


witliont.  Tlic  autlnn'  w  ill  Icnvc  lo  ilic  imaiiiiiation  of  tlic 
reader  wlial  a]>pear(Ml  on  llic  slia<]('  dui-iii^  llic  scaiiec.  Tlic 
probleiiuitical  vouii.ii'  man  would  l>riii^  lici-  llowers  and 
candy,  would  read  to  lier  Avliile  sittin*;"  on  the  further  end 
of  the  settee  and  often  tlie  sliades  Avonld  remain  up  during 
the  call.  He  was  tlie  liandsomer  of  the  two,  and  from  liis 
dress  one  would  judge  tlie  wealthier,  and  he  seemed  to  be 
the  mother's  choice,  but  lie  ];\cked  tlu^  ''pusli,"  and  from 
all  appearances  was  losing  ground.  No  truer  saying  tlian 
''a  faint  heart  never  Avon  a  fair  lady."  The  problematical 
gentleman's  heart  was  faint,  not  so  with  the  other  loA^er. 
The  Change  family  occupied  the  apartment  long  enough 
to  see  a  Avedding  in  that  of  the  loA^ers.  The  groom  they 
recognized  as  the  ardent  one  Avhose  moving  picture  thcA' 
often  saw  on  the  screen. 

The  saddest  occurrence  during  the  tenancy  of  the 
Change  family  Avas  the  taking  aAvay  to  Kings  Park,  Long 
Island,  of  a  teacher  in  one  of  the  New  York  public  schools. 
The  occupants  of  a  small  apartment  on  the  court  opposite 
the  one  opening  in  to  RiAerside  were  tAvo  teachers,  one 
striving  to  become  an  assistant  principal.  One  of  the 
teachers  was  the  sole  support  of  a  mother  and  the  other 
Avas  educating  a  younger  sister.  Nearly  every  night,  long 
after  midnight  the  two  could  be  seen  Avith  their  books  and 
writing  material.  They  did  their  OAvn  household  Avork. 
When  they  were  not  at  school  they  Avere  in  the  apartment 
constantly  employed  in  manual  or  educational  Avork.  Little 
sleep  did  they  obtain  and  under  the  pressure  the  mind  of 
the  one  struggling  to  become  an  assistant  jn-incipal  gaA'e 
Avay.  Screams  one  night  from  the  girls'  ai)artment  aAvak- 
eued  eA^eryone  on  the  court.  One  of  the  teachers  Avas  try- 
ing to  keep  the  other  from  throAving  herself  from  the 
windoAv.    The  occupants  of  an  adjoining  ai)artment  helped 


(Id  REXTixc  A  Fri:Nisni:i»  \r.\in.Mi:xT 

to  I'csi  I'.-i  ill  licv  iiiHil  llic  ;in'i\;il  of  ;iii  ;i  inlni  Ijiiicc  from  n 
iicjirhy  lios}H(;il. 

There  innst  l)o  soiiuM li iiii^'  wronii  with  our  (Mlucat  ional 
systoiii.     liistriu-tors  ns  well  as  students  are  constant ly 


J.  r.  Mor.uaii  .V-  Co.,  Mills  nuihliiiK. 


breaking  doAvn  in  their  educational  work.  Students  in 
order  to  carry  along  tlieir  many  studies  are  compelled  to 
neglect  their  ])liysical  being,  consiMjuently  if  tliey  are 
fortunate  enough  to  last  the  four  ycnirs  and  receive  tlieir 


SWEET  WITH  THE  P.ITTER 


67 


(I i]>Ioiii;is,  ilicy  iii'c  udci'lv  inilii  lnkc  up  tlicir  cliosen 
pursuit.  If  on  tlie  sea  of  inalriiiKniy  tliey  embark,  the 
coast  line  will  be  streAvn  witli  iiuMital  and  ])liYsical  wrecks. 

In  Mr.  Change's  seventy  years  of  life,  covering  con- 
siderable territory,  it  remained  for  an  incident  while  in  the 
furnislied  apartment  to  be  tlie  most  liorrible  of  liis  ex- 
l)erience.  A  young  man  Avliile  attacked  with  delirium 
tremens  cast  liimself  from  a  window  on  tlie  top  floor  of 
tlie  apartment  to  tlie  court  l)elow.  The  screams  of  women 
and  the  smashing  of  glass  at  1  A.  M.  awoke  all  the  tenant>^ 
of  tlie  Riverside  court.  Mr.  Change  caught  sight  of  an 
ol)ject  whirling  through  the  air  on  its  downward  course. 
The  evening  papers  of  the  coming  day  gave  the  circum- 
stances. The  y(mng  man  was  a  scion  of  a  distinguished 
Xew  York  family  Avho,  with  his  gray-haired  mother  and 
sister,  occupied  one  of  the  ai^rtments  across  the  court. 
Unfortunately  for  the  young  man  he  had  been  left  an 
ample  income  from  a  trust  fund  l)y  a  Avealthy  father,  who, 
during  his  life,  was  one  of  Xew  York's  leading  bankers. 
The  son  was  an  example  of  the  idle  young  men  in  this 
city  living  on  an  income,  who  spend  their  days  in  an  auto- 
mobile with  (piestionable  com])anions  of  both  sexes,  and 
their  nights  in  the  resorts  of  the  Tenderloin.  It  seems  the 
mother  tried  to  stoj)  her  son  in  his  wild  plunge,  but  was 
knocked  down,  fracturing  her  skull  and  died  the  following 
day. 

Sometimes  it  seems  that  a  war  would  be  a  blessing  to 
this  country,  as  it  has  been  in  a  measure  to  England. 
It  is  a  satisfaction  to  see  those  strutting  monocled  dukes 
and  lords  in  the  trenches  Avhere  they  are  of  some  good  to 
their  country.  Conscription  is  another  blessing.  In 
France  it  is  a  (hdight  to  see  alongside  of  his  English  cousin 
in  the  trenches,  many  a  count — such  as  the  court  held 


OS 


Rr!XTix(;  A  Fr  nxisriKiJ  Ai'Airr.Mi: \t 


wlien  in  tliis  citv  (\)niil  .lolumiH^s  took  jictioii  for  vvvoix- 
uition  of  :\  Ikizv        — "A  couiii  of  no  account." 

Mrs.  (1ianu('  ^\as  a  New  lOnuland  woman  and  one  can 
inia.iiinc  tlic  njU'oar  wIkmi  a  bu^-,  tluit,  upon  examination, 
])rov(Ml  to  W  a  IxMlbnii,  Avas  seen  slowly  ziuzagging  its  way 
alonii  the  baseboard  of  one  of  the  bedrooms.  Mrs.  Change 
rushed  to  the  t(dephone  and  called  tlie  superintendent, 
informinii  him  what  she  had  seen.  One  of  the  passengers 
on  the  tirst  elevator  going  up  was  the  superintendent.  He 
at  tirst  tried  to  make  Mrs.  Change  believe  what  she  saw 
was  a  Croton  water  bug,  but  he  soon  discovered  that  lie 
couldn't  fool  the  offspring  of  a  New^  England  housewife. 
The  superintendent  told  ]Mrs.  Change  that  just  prior  to 
their  moving  in,  a  European  friend  of  the  former  occupant 
had  spent  a  few  days  in  the  apartment  and  he  was  some- 
what suspicious  of  a  trunk  belonging  to  the  man  from 
abroad.  The  superintendent  was  a  former  purser  for  a 
steamship  company  and  was  aware  that  the  baggage  store 
rooms  of  Atlantic  liners  were  infested  with  vermin. 

The  apartment  house  in  which  the  Change  family 
wore  domiciled  pretended  to  be  one  of  the  classiest  in  the 
big  towm,  and  it  would  never  do  for  the  other  tenants  to 
learn  that  even  one  bedbug  was  in  their  midst.  The  super- 
intendent implored  ]Mrs.  (.Miange  to  say  nothing,  promising 
to  call  up  the  owner  of  the  apartment  at  once  and  wouhl 
have  the  ^^exterminator-'  right  on  the  job.  In  the  course 
of  an  hour  the  owner  with  the  exterminator  arrived. 

The  owner  informed  Mrs.  Change  that  they  would 
have  to  seek  other  quarters  for  a  couple  of  days  while  the 
apartment  was  being  fumigated.  Mrs.  Change  replied  it 
was  impossible  for  her  to  get  out  that  day  and  that  she 
would  have  to  call  up  Mr.  Change  and  she  couldn't  locate 
her  daughter.    The  owner  was  persistent  that  the  fumi- 


70 


A  i  i  i:msiii:i)  ai'aki  .m knt 


jjatinjj  l)(\uin  ;it  once.  Of  course,  Mrs.  ('Iianiic  wantod  it 
done,  so  slie  telephoned  her  husband  tlie  situation,  told 
the  superintendent  to  be  on  the  lookout  for  her  dauulitcr 
and  to  t(dl  her  to  meet  her  at  the  skatinji'  v\n*x  of  the  liili- 
niore  at  7  P.  M.  l^u-kinu  up  a  few  of  her  own  and  (hiuiili- 
ter's  belon^ijings,  Mrs.  ('hani>e  telephoned  for  their  car  aii<l 
started  out  in  to  tlie  cold  Avorld. 

The  process  of  fumigation  consist(Ml  of  sealinii'  u])  all 
windows  of  the  apartment  and  the  entering  door  and 
ijinitinjx  some  medical  comi)ound,  the  fumes  killing  all 
vermin.  On  the  eveninij:  of  the  second  day  the  sui)eriu- 
tendent  telephoned  to  ^\v.  Ohan*»e  that  the  job  was  (hnie, 
the  apartment  aired  and  was  aiiain  at  their  dis])()sal.  Mr. 
Change  and  family  moved  back,  but  there  was  always  a 
suspicion  that  specks  they  saw  and  itches  they  felt  were 
some  of  the  progeny  of  other  days. 

The  foundation  of  the  ai)artment  house  in  whicli  the 
riiange  family  li\-ed,  on  account  of  the  distance  d(>N\  ii 
to  rock,  Avas  constructed  under  a  new  process  and  had 
settled  unevenh',  causing  cracked  walls  and  doors  not  on 
the  level,  not  an  unheard  of  condition  with  buildings  on 
Manhattan  Island.  i*>hortly  aftei*  the  advent  of  the  Ohange 
family,  mechanics  were  setting  aside  a  day  to  rectify  these 
different  defects  in  the  various  apartments,  requiring  the 
occupants  thereof  during  the  process  to  ^'take  a  walk 
around  the  block."  I'or  a  month,  from  8  A.  ^l.  to  4..')()  I*.  .M., 
resounding  throughout  the  apartment  house  was  the  con- 
tinual pound  of  the  varied  mend)ers  of  the  Knights  of 
Labor.  Mr.  Ohange  was  the  owner  of  an  apartment  on 
Lexington  Avenue.  The  lumlx^*  in  some  of  the  New  York 
apartments  is  a  tree  Monday  morning,  boards  by  the 
middle  of  the  week,  and  finished  ])roduct  by  Saturday 
night,  consequently  when  it  comes  in  contact  with  steam 


SWEET   WITH  THE  lilTTEll 


71 


lieat  cue  is  reminded  of  the  contortionist  on  llie  sta,i;(\ 
Tlie}^  tell  a  story  alonii;  Lexington  Avenne  that  tlie  janitor 
of  Mr.  Change's  apartment  while  repairing  a  lock  was 
snrronnded  and  held  tight  by  a  warping  door.  During  the 
warping  season  it  is  dangerous  to  walk  through  the  halls 
of  the  average  New  York  apartment  house. 


Criminal  Building,  Tombs  and  Bridge  of  Sighs, 


Being  cauglit  in  a  warping  door  reminded  Mr.  Change 
of  his  experience  Avhile  running  his  stock  farm  on  the 
Missouri  River.  Hundreds  of  acres  of  corn  the  ranch  pro- 
duced. The  worst  weed  the  corn  raiser  had  to  contend  with 
was  the  morning  glory.  One  has  often  heard  the  expression, 
on  could  see  it  grow."  That  expression  certainly  applied 
to  the  morning  glory.    One  of  Mr.  Change's  neighbors 


72 


Ki:.\  ri.\(;  a  i  ri:.\isn i:i>  xrAiMM kxt 


seemed  l''^  o^itli  llmi  l>y  jicliuil  nuNisiire- 

iiieiil  ;i  morning  lilory  in  one  of  his  corn  fields  i>i*('w  seven 
feet  in  t  wenly-four  lioui's. 

Tlie  episode  that  the  wnr])in_u  door  i-eininded  Mi-. 
('lian«ie  of  was  in  conneelion  \\ith  llic  ])T-olilic  mornini: 
ji^lory.  On  a  liot  afternoon  in  Jnly,  as  the  snn  went  down 
on  the  landsea])e  of  Mr.  dianiic's  Western  ])oss(\ssions,  tlie 
boys  lieard  a  call  for  lielp  from  one  of  th(»  corn  fields. 
Follo^^in^  the  v(dee  they  found  one  of  tln^  teams  h(d])in.«i 
tliems(dves  to  corn  fodd(T  and  one  of  the  hired  hands 
bonnd  so  tii>litly  by  morninii'  glories  that  he  couldn't  move. 
Aceordin<>"  to  the  helper's  story  lie  bad  faUen  aslee])  and 
the  fast-groAvins>-  morning  glor}^  bad  closed  in  on  liim  like 
the  devil  tftsli  of  the  deep. 

Xo  city  on  the  globe  has  a  better  sub-strata  for  foun- 
dation puri)oses  than  the  r>()rough  of  Manhattan  of  the 
City  of  New  York.  It  is  principally  a  rock  foundation. 
A  steel  drill  is  as  necessary  to  a  Manhattan  buihbM-  as 
ammunition  to  an  army.  On  account  of  the  distance  down 
to  solid  rock  many  of  the  buildings  in  New  York  are  built 
on  experimental  foundations.  The  Mills  liuilding,  corncM* 
Broad  and  Wall  Streets,  one  of  the  oldest  office  buildings 
in  the  city,  is  built  on  ])iles.  Whether  it  would  stand  was 
so  problematical  that  for  sonu^  time  after  its  construction 
pedestrians  would  stand  and  gaze  at  it,  ex])ecting  to  see 
it  top])le  ovi'V.  The  Criminal  r>uilding,  in  Centre  Street, 
has  anotluT  experimental  foundation  and  it  certainly 
proved  to  be  an  (wperiment  by  the  uneven  settling  of  the 
structure.  The  employees  of  the  building  are  threatened 
with  curvature  of  the  s])ine,  as  they  sit  and  stand  on  an 
irregular  angle.  crything  is  on  the  slant.  INdice  of- 
ficers as  they  bring  j)risoners  frcnii  the  Tond)s  ovei-  the 
^VHi'idge  of  Sighs"  into  the  Criminal  Building,  have  to 


SWEET  WITH    11  IK  IHTTER 


73 


74 


ui:.\ri.\(i  A  I  ruMsiiKi)  ai-au  r.M  ):.\  r 


subslitutc  si)iU('(l  shoes   in  ordci*  to  llirir  prison- 

ers. 

One  of  llie  lai'mcst  l)nil(l ini^s  in  tlie  cilv — tlie  ^Inniei- 
pal  Unihlinii — is  l)nill  on  sand.  On  aeeonnt  of  tlie  j^i'eat 
de})tli  to  solid  rock,  a  eaisson  cement  sclienie  was  ado])ted. 
"A  sand  fonndalion"  is  sometimes  mentioned  as  a  joke. 
Wise  ones  saw  the  ^Inniei])al  r»nildini»:  iii*adnally  disa])- 
pear  into  the  bowels  of  Manhattan.  Fortnnate  it  is  that 
it  is  not  an  ^^oflfiee  building,"  as  it  mii»ht  l)e  tenantless, 
bnt  as  every  ()een])ant  is  a  city  em])loyee  on  a  fat  ])ay  roll, 
they  don't  seem  to  hesitate  taking  the  daily  risk. 


LIFE  IS  0^'E  THING  AFTER  ANOTHER 


75 


CHAPTER  \l 

LIFE  IS  ONE  TIIIN(;  AFTER  ANOTHER 

As  I  lie  first  inoiiili  of  tlic  year  wore  ;nvay  llic  wind 
from  the  Soiitli  bo,i>an  to  predominate,  and  as  the  January 
tliaw"  set  in  tlie  windows  of  tlie  various  apartments  were 
ajj;ain  left  open.  Near  the  entrance  to  the  Riverside  court 
was  a  hirge  vacant  lot.  It  had  the  usual  sul)stratum  of 
Manliattan-solid-rock.  The  ear-drums  of  the  Change 
family  had  become  acclimated  to  the  various  noises  of  the 
big  town  in  general  and  tlie  apartment  house  in  particular, 
wlien  the  notes  of  a  new  sheet  of  music  entitled,  ^^The 
Rock  Drillers  Refrain,''  wafted  through  the  atmosphere 
of  the  court.  It  seems  the  foundation  for  a  new  apartment 
was  being  excavated  on  the  vacant  lot.  Unfortunately  for 
tlie  neighborhood,  in  order  to  complete  this  part  of  the  job, 
''The  Rock  Drillers  Refrain,"  through  some  i^olitical  pull, 
ran  a  night  and  day  shift,  consequently  the  hissing  steam 
and  pounding  of  the  drills  was  a  continuous  performance 
during  the  tW(Mity-four  hours.  There  is  one  thing  peculiar 
about  the  human  organization.  It  can  adapt  itself  to  any 
situation.  A  continuous  noise  over  Avhich  we  have  no 
control  ceases  to  anno}^  While  the  Change  family  were 
partaking  of  a  somewhat  late  breakfast  they  were  lifted 
from  their  chairs  by  a  terrific  explosion  and  a  piece  of 
rock  entering  the  dining  room,  carrying  with  it  a  section 
of  window  glass.    They  had  hardly  recovered  from  the 


RKXTIXf;  A   FTTvXISTTKD  APARTMENT 


shock  wlion  jinotlK^r  ('X])l()si()n  rocked  tlicm  in  anothor 
direction.  Mr.  (Ii.ni^v  cnllcd  ii])  tlic  sii])erintondent  for 
an  explanation.  ''Tliev  are  excavatin.u  tlie  fonndation  of 
a  new  a])artnient  liouse  around  on  KiviM-side  and  tliev  Avill 
be  blowing-  out  rocks  for  a  cou])le  of  weeks  yd/'  For  tlie 
next  forlniiilit  tlie  (lian^^c  family  wei-e  like  one  sitting;'  on 
a  magazine,  expecting  any  moment  someone  would  touch 


A  Reminder  of  the  Dentist  Chair. 


jt  off.  The  two  weeks  passed  and  also  llie  bursting  dyna- 
mite and  flying  rocks. 

No  sooner  had  ^^The  Rock  Drillers  Refrain"  lost  its 
charm  than  a  new  sluu't  of  music  jK^rcolated  through  the 
air.  Of  all  Ihe  noises  ^Fr.  Change  had  heard  since  he 
moved   into  I  lie  ai)arhiienl,  tlie  new  one  >\  as  welcomed. 


LIFE  IS  ONE  TITIXC;  AFTER  ANOTHER  77 

While  listeuin<>-  to  it,  ^\v.  (Iiaiiii'e  would  sliut  liis  eyes  and 
imagine  liimself  at  Iiis  eanip  in  the  Maini^  woods  listening 
to  Aviiat  is  knoAvn  in  tliat  eonntiy  as  the  ''stake  driver/' 
bnt  in  the  Emi)ire  State  as  the  woodpecker.  The  elevator 
boys  soon  learned  to  sing  and  whistle  ^'Tlie  Steel  Riveters 
Skeleton/' 

Tlie  noises  in  the  conrts  and.  those  in  the  immediate 


"The  Man  in  the  Overalls." 


neighborhood  were  not  the  only  onc^s  that  disturbed  the 
(Miuilibrium  of  the  Change  lionseliold.  Fog  often  Imng 
along  tlie  Hndson  o^iposite  tke  (liange  apartment.  The 
fog  alpliabet  Avould  not  be  so  disturbing  if  spoken  in  one 
tone,  but  every  note  from  the  low  basso  to  the  high  soprano 
was  boring  holes  through  tlie  fog,  and  as  is  often  with 


REXTTXn  A   FrRNISHED  ArART:\rE\T 


men  discnssinij:  j)()liti('s,  cjicli  oiu»  insist(Ml  on  boincj  lionrrl 
at  tlio  same  time;  nor  did  the  size  of  tlie  boat  regulate  the 
sound.  A  littU'  tn,i»  wonUl  roar  out  its  bhists  witli  such 
deep  f^uttural  tliat  it  seemed  to  say,  clear  the  track  or  the 
bottom  for  yours. 

A  steamer  on  which  ^Ir.  Cliancje  was  cominc:  from 
Europe  in  liis  youn.^er  days  was  rammed  in  a  foj:;  off  the 
XewfoiiiKllaiid  Coast,  and  if  lie  liad  not  been  a  good  swim- 
mer he  would  not  have  been  disturbed  by  foij-liorns  on  the 
Hudson  in  the  year  li)ir>.  Tlie  fo<2:-horns  did  disturb  ^Ir. 
Change,  as  it  reminded  him  of  that  awful  night  off  Halifax 
as  lie  was  awakened  by  tlie  prow  of  a  vc^ssel  entering  his 
stateroom  and  bending  his  ribs  as  it  pressed  him  against 
the  partition.  As  Mr.  Change  gained  the  deck  and  seeing 
a  steamer  less  than  a  quarter  of  a  mile  away  and  knowing 
his  capabilities  in  the  art  of  swimming,  how  safely  he  felt 
as  to  the  outcome. 

In  the  pu])lic  schools  of  this  great  city,  how  unfor- 
tunate and  what  neglect  it  shows,  that  large  swimming 
tanks  supplied  by  the  ever  changing  salt  water  pumped 
from  th(^  bowels  of  the  earth  are  not  installed.  ^laritime 
city  as  we  are,  seldom  it  is  during  the  year  that  each  and 
every  one  of  us  doesn't  trust  our  lives  to  Neptune.  Some 
study  might  be  dropped  for  that  of  swimming.  The  knowl- 
edge of  a  dead  language  is  of  little  avail  when  one  is 
thrown  in  to  the  water.  One  who  does  not  know  how  to 
swim  seems  not  satisfied  in  drowning  himself,  but  insists 
taking  with  him  anyone  within  reach.  Aside  from  the 
mere  fact  of  learning  to  swim,  there  is  no  more  healthful 
exercise,  and  from  the  standpoint  of  cleanliness  from  ob- 
servation of  the  scholars  of  our  great  public  schools,  there 
could  be  improvement  in  that  direction. 

The  Hudson  River  Railroad,  or  more  strictly  speak- 


LIFE  IS  ONE  THING  AFTER  ANOTHER 


79 


ing,  "The  Now  York  Central  Lines,'^  supplied  IMr.  Cliange 
with  another  noise  and  also  a  nosejjay.  Of  all  the  bunco 
games  played  on  the  City  of  New  York,  the  continued 
occupation  by  that  railroad  of  the  New  York  City  line 
from  Spuyten  Duyvil  down  to  Thirtieth  Street  deserves 
the  blue  ribbon.  The  smoke  of  the  locomotives  and  the 
grind  of  the  cars  as  they  cross  the  switches  permeated  to 
the  Change  apartment.  People  know  they  are  being  choked 
with  coal  dust,  kept  awake  nights  by  escaping  steam,  and 
that  many  are  being  run  over  and  killed,  yet  there  seems 
to  be  no  remedy.  When  the  time  comes  for  a  showdown 
the  occupancy  of  that  waterfront  will  show  all  the  phases 
of  corruption  ever  heard  of  since  the  days  that  Romulus 
and  Remus  donned  their  bathing  suits  and  splashed  water 
on  each  other  as  tlie  Tiber  traveled  to  the  sea. 

The  opposite  court  to  the  one  tliat  opened  to  Riverside 
Drive  would  be  called  an  inside  court,  that  is,  there  was 
no  exit  from  it  except  through  a  small  roofed  passageway. 
It  was  the  court  on  which  the  various  kitchens  were 
located,  not  onh^  of  the  Change  apartment  house  but,  also 
an  adjoining  one.  Through  the  passageway  passed  the 
garbage  cans  of  the  Change  apartment  house.  The  dumb- 
waiter was  on  the  opposite  side  of  the  court  from  the 
passageway.  The  garbage  Avould  come  down  the  dumb- 
waiter and  be  taken  across  the  court  to  the  passageway, 
a  distance  of  about  two  Imndred  feet.  A  small  car  having 
an  iron  platform  with  iron  wheels  conveyed  the  garbage 
and  ash  cans  across  the  concrete  floor  of  the  court,  bring- 
ing the  empty  cans  back.  The  assistant  janitor  was  the 
crew  of  the  garbage  express.  'There  were  no  banjo  signals, 
slowdowns  nor  blocks  set  against  it  on  the  run  from  the 
vestibule  of  the  dumb-waiter  across  the  court  to  the 
passageway.     Some  of  the  bedrooms  of  the  different 


80 


RKXTlXd  A   FT'UXISIIKI)  APAnT:\rE\T 


;i]>;ii'tinonts  opeiKMl  on  to  this  conrt.  A  box  of  vciMmiiis 
Avent  with  encli  rent  receij)!  for  ])e(lrooins  so  sitniited. 
Anotlier  feature  of  tliis  particnlar  court  was  tliat  nearly 
all  the  window  sills  were  (lei)ositories  of  something  in 
connection  with  the  culinary  department.  The  inventory 
Avould  include  jugs  of  mineral  water,  bottles  of  milk, 
pitchers  Avitli  cloth  tied  over  them,  bowls  with  saucers 
thereon,  fruit,  both  in  jars  and  in  the  raw,  canncMl  goods 
and  hanging  from  the  windows  were  feather  dusters  and 
mops,  and  during  certain  hours  in  the  morning  the  bed- 
ding of  the  night  before. 

To  return  to  the  garbage  express.  The  schedule  was 
so  arranged  that  the  tired  business  man  Avas  often  awak- 
ened by  the  roar  of  the  garbage  express  across  the  court. 
Complaints  were  made  to  the  superintendent  and  a  sugges- 
tion made  if  the  time  table  of  the  garbage  express  couldn't 
be  so  arranged  that  the  first  train  would  start  later  in  the 
(lay,  be  run  on  slower  time,  and  if  the  platform  couldn't 
be  covered  and  the  wheels  of  some  softer  material  than 
iron,  and  if  the  cans,  especially  the  empty  ones,  couldn't 
be  handled  more  gingerly.  The  appeals  of  the  tenants 
fell  on  deaf  ears  Avith  the  usual  result.  The  creAV  of  the 
garbage  exj)ress  met  the  fate  that  an  outraged  public 
deals  out  to  those  avIio  fail  to  realize  the  fact  that  the 
rulers  in  this  country  are  the  people.  One  morning,  bright 
and  early,  there  is  some  doubt  as  regards  the  bright,  but 
none  w»hatever  as  regards  the  early,  the  garbage  express 
start(Hl  on  its  accustomed  run  oxev  the  concrete  court  at 
its  usual  speed.  The  express  had  made  a  couple  of  rounds 
Avhen  a  terrific  crash  and  a  groan  brought  the  tenants  to 
the  Avindows.  A  jug  of  mineral  water  that  had  been  cool- 
ing itself  on  the  AvindoAv  sill  of  the  fourth  floor  had  been 
hurled  at  the  garbage  express  and  had  hit  the  crew  amid- 


LIFE  IS  ONE  THIX(J  AFTER  ANOTHER 


81 


ships.  A  bottle  of  inilk  folloAved  next.  Tlie  bottle  of  milk 
seemed  to  give  everybody  the  cue.  Two  students  of  Colum- 
bia University,  members  of  a  family  on  the  eighth  floor, 


The  Garbage  Express. 


had  been  awaiting  the  opi^ortunity  to  place  some  empty 
beer  bottles  where  they  would  do  the  most  good.  As  one 
of  the  students  was  the  star  pitcher  of  the  University 
baseball  club,  with  every  bottle  he  cut  the  home  plate  of 


82 


KKXTIXC  A   F[  TiXISIIKl)  APAKTMEXT 


tlu'  crew  of  the  ii.irhn^c  ('.\j)r('ss.  Tlic  woiiicii  of  llic  various 
apartments  also  joined  in  the  fray. 

After  tlie  fusilade  closed,  the  other  employees  ran 
in  to  the  court  to  their  comrades'  assistance.  What  a 
sight  met  their  eyes.  The  crew  lay  prostrate,  surrounded 
with  broken  glass  and  crockery,  mineral  water,  milk,  ink, 
Hayes  Hair  Healtli,  Syrup  of  Figs,  Nux  Vomica,  glycer- 
ine, alcohol,  ^^Lydia  Pinkham,"  castor  oil,  Radway's  Ready 
Relief,  tin  cans,  shoe  polish,  all  kinds  of  vegetables,  in  fact 
everything  contained  in  a  well  regulated  apartment,  ex- 
cept the  furnishings.  An  ambulance  had  been  summoned 
and  the  *'crew"  passed  out  through  the  passageway  to  tlie 
hospital.  The  first  train  out  the  next  morning  of  the  gar- 
bage express  was  scheduled  later  in  tlie  day,  tlie  running 
time  reduced,  the  car  platform  and  roadbed  liad  bec^u 
covered  with  linoleum,  rubber  wheels  instead  of  iron,  and 
the  new  *^crew"  informed  of  the  experience  of  his  prede- 
cessor. 

In  the  good  old  days  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  the  word 
worry  was  not  in  the  lexicon  of  the  municipality  or  the 
denizens  of  New  Amsterdam,  but  today  the  city  govern- 
ment has  many  worries,  foremost  being  the  money  (|ues- 
tion.  There  is  also  another  worry  that  affects  tlie  munici- 
pality and  the  inhabitant  thereK)f,  and  that  is  what  to  do 
with  its  garbage.  There  is  a  wide  difference  between  the 
two,  as  in  the  latter  they  don't  know  how  to  get  rid  of  it, 
wdiile  in  the  former  the  trouble  is  to  get  hold  of  it.  In  the 
days  of  the  open  fireplace  and  the  coal  range,  the  garbage 
question  was  soh'ed  by  cremation,  but  when  the  gas  range 
put  in  an  appearance,  the  city  authorities  in  a  measure, 
but  more  particularly  the  Knight  of  the  Kitchen's  greatest 
worry  came  with  it.    Not  being  able  to  burn  a  cast-off 


LIFE  IS  ONE  THING  AFTER  ANOTHER 


83 


match,  a  scrap  of  pa])er  or  a  banana  peel  caused  worlds  of 
trouble  all  aloni?  tlie  line. 

The  city  financiers  conduct  their  business  along 
similar  lines  to  those  of  a  certain  country  merchant  who, 
when  his  note  came  due  at  the  bank,  instead  of  paying  it 
off  would  cancel  it  by  giying  a  new  note,  adding  in  the 
interest  due  on  the  old  one,  and  when  the  bank  got  tired 
of  the  proceedings  he  would  take  his  oyerdraft  oyer  to 
some  other  bank.  The  city,  in  its  endeayors  to  solye  the 
financial  question,  attacks  the  wrong  end.  Instead  of 
conserying  the  funds  they  do  receiye  from  taxation  they 
are  constantly  on  the  hunt  from  what  source  they  can 
raise  more  funds  to  distribute  among  the  faithful. 

To  the  Borough  of  Brooklyn  we  are  indebted  for  the 
solution  of  the  garbage  question.  Xo  more  worry  on  the 
part  of  the  city  fathers  concerning  disposal  plants.  No 
more  sneaking  out  of  th^  harbor  and  dumping  the  city 
refuse  inside  the  limit  line  to  the  discomfort  of  the  bather 
along  Long  Island's  sandy  shores.  There  is  hardly  a  city 
in  the  world  that  hasn't  low  ground  adjoining  it,  which 
can  adyantageously  be  filled.  In  the  Borough  of  Queens 
its  wat(T  front  is  indented  by  many  marsh  meadows,  y/hose 
only  production  is  salt  hay,  malaria  and  mosquitoes.  One 
of  the  largest  swamps — hundreds  of  acres — adjoins  the 
town  of  Flushing.  Under  a  contract  with  the  city  of 
Brooklyn,  a  dumping  company,  for  a  nominal  expense  to 
the  city,  agreed  to  take  care  of  all  the  garbage  of  the 
Borough.  The  dumping  company  bought  up  this  Flushing 
swamp  lands  and  dumped  tliere  the  offal  of  the  city  of 
churches,  making  yaluable  land  of  what  once  was  a  swamp, 
and  on  account  of  decaying  yegetables  contained  in  the 
dumpage  this  new  made  land  jH'oduced  the  most  prolific 


84  RKNTIXd   A    l  (  R.\ISlIi:i)  Al'AK'IM  KXT 

M\mM;ili(Hi.  Tlic  I;iihIs  i'('<|('('iii('<|  w  ill  Itccoiiic  ;i  ^rr;i(  iiwimi- 
facturiii.ii  (  ('iitci-. 

The  .Ic.l'scv  m;il'sli('s  ollri  (he  llo|•(Hl^ll  of  .M  ;m  li;i  1 1  ;i  li 
llic  sjiiiic  oppoiinnil  V  ;is  (lie  (^)n('(Mi"s  iiuirslics  did  llic 
Uorou^li  oi'  r»r()()lvlyii  mid  there  will  he  iiini-siics  of  New 
Jersey  lo  lill  in  loiiii  al'ler  the  iiiiderlaker  is  jx'i-rorininj; 


On  the  Wa3^  to  the  Dump. 

tlie  last  sad  rites  over  Ihe  cook  who  is  inani])iilal  inu  the 
pis  raiiiic  ill  the  New  ^'ork  a])arl  iiieiit  lioiise  at  this  ])ai'- 
ticular  time. 

The  ('liaii<>e  family  had  si)ent  two  weeks  in  the  apart- 
ment anIkmi  one  niiilit  they  were  all  awakcnied  by  an  awfnl 
stench  i)ermeatin!L;'  the  ai)artm(Mit.  They  were  ^reat  Ix^- 
liev(^rs  in  ])lentv  (d'  fresh  air,  so  the  windows,  esix'cially 


LIFE  IS  OSK  T11IX(J   AF'I'Kli  ANOTHER 


85 


of  tlie  bedrooms,  were  open  ai  (lie  loj)  and  bottom.  Tliev 
could  not  believe  tlie  odor  came  from  tlie  outside  and  tliey 
knew  it  was  not  illuminating  gas.  They  luid  heard  of 
sewer  gas,  and  all  tliouglit  tliat  some  pi])e  liad  become 
disconnected  in  the  building.  Tliey  called  up  tlie  super- 
intendent and  he  told  them  that  what  they  smelt  was  from 
New  Jersey.    It  seems  that  along  the  Jersey  side  of  the 


The  Dump. 


Hudson  there  are  many  factories  wliich  throw  out  ob- 
noxious gases,  and  avIuui  tlie  wind  is  off  slum^  tlie  con- 
taminated air  distributes  itself  along  the  New  York  side 
of  the  river.  During  the  occupancy  of  the  apartment  the 
Change  family  experienced,  with  the  nsst  of  the  popula- 
tion of  the  West  side,  a  Jersey  production  worse  than  the 
proverbial  mosijuito. 

A  sorry  day  it  was  for  the  tenants  of  the  Change 


86 


RE.\Ti.\(;  A  n  R.\ism:i)  apak tm i;nt 


npartnuMit  house  \\\\vu  iIk^  ucnial  siiiMM-iiitcndcnl  jind  ilic 
accommo(latiii<»- jjiiiitor  lunidcd  in  llicir  rcsimuit  ions,  rndcr 
their  guidance  cverytliinii  moved  ah)n^  satisfactorily.  The 
owner  of  tlie  Iionse  conldn't  h(dieve  tliat  the  tenants  of  ;in 
apartment  conld  he  contented  and  lie,  ^cttinu"  his  ])onnd 
of  flesh,  so  he  inani>nrated  a  s])y  system  an<l  made  it  so 
unpleasant  for  the  two  employees  that  they  resioned  and 
he  installed  in  their  places  a  i)air,  that  from  their  voices 
and  actions,  must  have  heen  former  em])l(>yees  of  the  street 
car  service  of  ^lanhattan.  Mr.  (1ian.i>e  often  remarked 
that  the  way  the  Xew  York  public  is  handled  by  the  trans- 
portation employes  of  the  bi<i;  town,  reminded  him  of  the 
time  Avhen  he  was  a  shipper  of  liA'e  stock  from  the  ])lains 
to  the  Union  Stock  Yards,  Chicaijo.  As  ^Ir.  Change  said, 
''all  the  street  car  employes  lacked  was  the  prod  of  the 
stock  man."  For  the  enliiihtenment  of  some  reader"  a 
stock  man's  ^'prod"  is  a  steel  jxdnted  round  stick  about 
six  feet  long',  its  use  being  to  shove  into  an  animal  to  make 
him  '^step  lively.''  x^s  time  Avore  on,  conijdaints  ca.me 
rolling  in  to  the  agent  of  the  building.  Tenants  began 
moving  out.  Freight  elevators-  Avere  being  (dogge<l  with 
household  goods,  moving  vans  were  blocking  the  street. 
Courts  were  construing  the  exact  meaning  of  the  fine  print 
in  leases.  Dogs  that  had  gotten  loose  from  former  ten- 
ants were  loping  back  to  the  old  home  and  barking  at 
apartment  doors.  Tradespeople  were  anxiously  inquiring 
whither  their  former  customer's  had  flown.  The  landlord 
in  despair  was  on  a  still  hunt  for  his  former  su])ei  in- 
tendent  and  janitor.  ]\lr.  Change,  who  was  somewhat  of 
the  Phineas  Fogg  sort  of  an  individual,  held  the  fort  and 
was  rejoiced  one  morning  to  learn  that  the  old  superin- 
tendent and  janitor  were  again  on  the  job,  w  ith  the  assur- 
ance from  the  owner  that  they  \vei*e  again  jnhtt  and  chief 


Tlie  promenade  of  a  black  cat  across  the  opposite 
court  from  Riverside  was  a  window  sill.    The  next  window 


88 


I{KN'ri.\(;   A    ITKNISIIKI)  A  PA  liTM  K  NT 


sill  to  tlie  ])i'()in(Mi;Hl('  was  two  feet  jn\ay.  Tho  cal  tliou^lil 
it  liivat  sport  to  jniiij)  from  one  window  sill  lo  the  otlicr. 
Ill  one  of  lier  jumps  she  landed  ai»ainst  a  bottle  of  (Jreat 
r»ear  spring  water,  sending  the  bottle  end  over  end  to 
the  court  bel(>w  and  on  top  of  a  ])et  dog,  ending  the  dog's 
(•;!i'('('r  so  far  as  this  world  is  eoneei-ned.  Mr.  Change  saw 
the  performance,  was  subpoenaed  and  to  his  aiiiiovaiiee 
spent  several  days  the  following  week  visiting  a  West  Side 
court  for  a  case  to  be  called  Avherein  a  cat,  liear  water,  a 
one-eared  Pekingx^se  dog,  contributory  n(\giigenc(^  res 
(/('sfdc  and  canine  valuation,  were  under  consideration. 
It  seems  a  lady  Avho  owned  the  dog*  i:)referred  to  air  it  in 
the  court  rather  tlian  the  street,  as  on  the  street  the  dog 
had  lost  an  ear  in  an  argument  with  another  of  his  species. 
Tavo  Hebrew  lawyers,  an  Irish  judge,  tAvo  determined 
women,  three  Avitnesses  (two  maids  and  Mr.  Change),  com- 
posed the  cast. 

INFr.  riiaiige  Avliile  making  his  daily  call  at  the  court 
and  being  informed  that  the  case  Avould  not  be  reaclied 
that  day  resolved  that  ncA^er  again  Avould  he  gaze  out  of 
the  window  of  that  rear  apartment,  but  Avhen  the  curtain 
AA'as  rung  up  and  the  play  started,  according  to  Mv.  Change, 
it  beat  any  comic  opera  running  on  IJroadAvay,  and  he 
Avouldn't  liaA^e  missed  it  for  all  the  gold  shipped  to  this 
country  during  the  European  war. 

Tlu^  nasal  organs  of  the  tAvo  HebrcAVS  were  so  lengthy 
that  no  matter  Avhere  they  stood,  AAdien  they  faced  each 
other,  their  noses  interlocke<l.  The  Irish  judge,  Avho  Avas 
born  in  the  Emerald  Isle,  still  retained  some  of  the  brogue 
he  brought  Avith  him.  The  tAvo  demure  maids  Avere  cast 
for  the  hardest  i>art.  I>oth  Avere  in  tears  before  they  left 
the  stand.  The  cross  questioning  of  th(^  two  maids  by  the 
tAS'o  legal  luminaries,  and  "you  must  answer  yes  or  no," 


LIFIO  IS  ONE  T11IX(;  AFTER  AXOTIIER 


89 


fired  at  tlieiii  by  llie  stem  son  of  Kriii,  so  ])rovokod  ^Ir. 
Change  llial  before  lie  left  the  stand  Ik^  bad  drawn  his 
check  for  fifty  dollars  for  contempt  of  conrt. 

On  account  of  the  fire  in  the  belligerent's  eyes  the 
learned  judge  thought  it  discretionary  to  take  the  papers 
and  hand  down  his  decision  Avhen  the  clouds  rolled  by. 
The  Irish  judge  wittily  r(Mnark(Ml  that  he  would  render 
his  decision  when  it  rained  ''cats  and  dogs." 


00 


KE.NTIM;  a    FrKNlSHEl)  .\IV\RTMENT 


CHAPTEK  VII 

THE  (iIKE  FROM  RIVERSIDE  DRIVE 

I*IU0R  to  Afiss  (^liaii,i»o  entering  Vnssnr  Colloifio,  slie 
spent  one  sininncr  at  tlie  I^nivorsity  of  ^Faine,  and  wliilc 
in  the  fnrnislicd  a])ai'tnient  sIkn  at  tlic  suiiiicsl ion  of  a 
dramatist,  wrote  liei*  experienee  wliile  at  the  Tniversity. 
Tlie  skit  herein  ])r()dnced  was  dramatized  and  liad  a  rnn 
at  one  of  the  '*try  it  on  tlie  dog"  towns  not  a  tlionsand 
miles  from  I>roadway. 

As  the  enrtain  is  rnnji"  ii]),  tlio  seene  opens  disclosing 
the  valley  of  the  Hndson  above  the  Highlands. 

Attending  one  of  the  preparatory  schools  that  line 
those  historic  shores  was  a  yonng  lady  from  Riverside 
Drive,  New  York  City.  When  the  time  came  for  the  clos- 
ing of  the  school  for  the  year,  the  director  informed  her 
that  if  she  could  be  tntm^ed  in  Latin  during  the  summer 
she  would  be  able  to  get  a  diploma  a  year  hence. 

On  Elaine's  larg(\st  lake  her  father  owikmI  a  camp — 
there  the  family  si)ent  the  summer  days  in  the  woods  and 
on  the  Avater.  From  the  camp  a  few  hours  journey  away, 
was  the  U.  of  M.,  or,  less  abbreviated,  the  University  of 
Maine.  Like  the  preparatory  school  on  the  Hudson,  it  too, 
overlooked  a  beautiful  river,  which  also  has  its  source  in 
the  wooded  wilderness  of  the  North.  As  one  looked  OA'er 
the  valley  of  the  Penobscot  from  the  campus  of  the  U.  of  M. 
instead  of  those  palatial  steamers,  the  ^'Hendrik  Hudson" 


THE  GIRL  FROM  'RIVERSIDE  DRIVE 


91 


and  "Charles  W.  Morse/'  one  saw  lon<>  rafts  of  lo^js  wind- 
ing their  way  "down  river.'' 

Tlie  third  day  after  tlie  annnal  arrival  of  tlu^  family — 
father,  mother,  son  and  dangliter — at  the  camp,  tlie  Latin 


The  Preparatory  School  on  the  Hudson. 


question  came  u})  for  consideration.  The  son,  avIio  was  a 
student  at  Columbia,  suggested  that  his  sister  attend  the 
summer  school  of  the  I^.  of  M.  A  few  days  thereafter, 
while  the  father  and  son  were  reeling  in  "strikes''  from 


Ki:x'rix(;  a  itkmshi:!)  apaijtmkxt 


our  of  tli(»  Ix'st  fisliiii^ii'  lakes  in  Maine,  tlie  mollici'  and 
(lau!ilit(M'  W(M'e  at  tlic  ])nl)lic  sfpiare  in  I'an^or,  taking  ihv 
Old  Town  (dcctric  car  for  Orono.  AVliile  pT'(^i)jirinijj  for 
the  tri]*  llic  ladies  saw  notliin.ii'  onl  of  place  for  them  to 
weai'  the  same  attire  a])propriate  wliile  strollinc;  owr  tlie 
Itcantifiil  driveway  that  winds  alon<^'  the  west  bank  of  tlie 
Islaiul  of  Manhattan. 

A  I'ide  of  an  honr  throni»h  a  hilly  conntry  hron.uiit  tln^ 
ladies  to  the  U.  of  M.y  the  car  line  passing  ah>nnsi<h'  the 
(•am])ns.  r])on  ])r'essin«i- a  button  a  comely  maid  appeared 
and  asked  Ihc  New  York  (bdegation  to  b(^  seated.  The 
])rece])trcss  ^^as  informed  that  two  fashionably  dressed 
hidics  ANcre  in  the  reception  room  desirous  of  seeing?  her. 
The  make  np  of  Ihe  mother  and  (bin.^liter  so  snr])rised  llie 
]>i'ece])1ress  Dial  il  was  evid(*nt  the  dear  lady  had  not 
wandered  far  from  her  Orono  lireside. 

^^What  can  1  do  for  yon,  ladies?'^ 

The  m(>ther  re])lied  that  they  called  in  reference  to 
attend ini:  tlie  summer  school.  Addressinj.^  her  re])ly  to 
the  mother,  the  ])rece])tress  asked: 

^^What  subjects  do  yon  wish  to  take?"  The  dauii^hter 
burst  into  laujihter  as  the  mother  replied: 

^'It  is  not  T  A\ho  wish  to  attend  the  sidiool,  but  my 
dauj.;]iter." 

AMiat  a  t  I'ansfoi-mat  ion  can  Ix^  made  by  th(>  dress- 
maker' and  the  drni;  store.  The  father  f(dl  out  of  a  canoe 
^^hen  informed  that  his  sixty-year-old  partner  had  been 
taken  for  a  school  iiirl. 

'Mint  madam,  is  not  your  dauiihter  too  young*  to  re- 
main here  alone?" 

''I  thiidv  not.    She  is  nineteen." 

The  Fnivei-sity  of  Maine  is  a  co-educational  institu- 
tion.   The  summer  school  was  composed  mostly  of  school 


98 


teachers,  bolli  ninle  and  female — principally  the  latter. 
The  Yonng  men  of  the  University  began  to  make  sheepish 
eyes  at  I  he  girl  from  Riverside.  Her  gowns  and  striking 
beanty  became  tlie  talk  of  (lie  sliHh'iUs  of  (lie  University, 
and  the  yonng  bhxxls  of  Oi'ono  Hocked  to  the  University 
gronnds  to  admire— and  sigli.   The  conntry  school  ^^marms'^ 


The  "U.  of  M." 

began  to  be  jealous  of  their  city  cousin.  They  saw  the 
yonng  men  all  attention  to  her  while  they  w^ere  slighted. 
As  time  wore  on  yonng  men  as  far  down  the  line  as  l>angor 
made  daily  pilgrimages  to  Orono.  The  country  maidens 
W(^re  benefitted  from  the  overflow  and  began  to  nmke  in- 
quiries from  their  city  cousin  how  they,  too,  could  make 
themselves  more  attractive. 

On  account  of  this  influx  of  the  male  gender,  studies 


04 


tm:\ti\(;  a  i  i  kmsii i:i»  Aiv\irrMKXT 


were  nej^leehMl.  "Liiilils  onl"  liniicred  into  11k»  mooiiliixlit , 
an  occasional  l\onic(>  was  seen  ])rowlini>-  abont  tlie  p'onnds, 
and  sncli  demoralization  had  set  in  that  the  faculty  saw 
a  lialt  would  have  to  be  called. 

They  summoned  before  them  the  girl  from  Eiverside 
Drive.  She  was  informed  of  the  fact  that  she  was  in 
Orono  and  not  on  liroadway — that  she  would  have  to  lay 
aside  the  dress  and  embellishment  approi)riate  along  the 
Hudson  for  those  on  the  Penobscot,  or  the  V.  of  ^I.  would 
know  her  no  more.  Latin  to  her  and  a  diploma  from  the 
seminary  in  the  Highlands  were  more  important  than  the 
admiration  of  the  country  jakes  of  the  Pine  Tree  State. 
Unbeknown  to  her  fellow^  students,  down  to  liangor  sIk* 
w^ent  for  the  transformation.  Rats,  mice,  switches  and 
barettes  were  put  in  cold  storage.  Soap  and  wat(T  washed 
away  rouge  and  pow-der.  Those  lovely  arms  and  sliouldei's 
I)assed  from  the  sight  of  num.  Her  corset  was  loosened. 
French  high-heeled  shoes  gave  w^ay  to  commonsense.  The 
fetching  gowns  that  were  the  admiration  of  the  opposite 
sex,  and  the  envy  of  her  own,  were  sadly  laid  aside.  Again, 
she  boarded  in  IJangor's  public  square,  the  Old  Town  car — 
how  different  than  when  she  had  stepped  into  the  same 
car  three  weeks  before.  Ko  admiring  glanc(\s  Avere  cast 
at  her  by  the  stronger  sex.  No  longer  were  the  noses  of 
tlie  weaker  sex  tnrned  up  in  scorn.  Across  the  cani])ns  to 
her  room — unrecognized — she  flew.  The  butterfly  had 
been  missed  during  the  day  and  no  one  knew  where  she  had 
th)wn.  The  supper  bell  rang.  To  all  outside  the  faculty, 
there  was  a  stranger  in  her  chair.  Soon  the  transforma- 
tion was  recognized.  The  nuignet  that  had  drawn  the 
l)resence  and  admiration  of  the  male  students  had  lost  its 
charm — appointments  w^ere  neglected — invitations  were 
cancelled  and,  gradually,  th(^  U.  of        assumed  similar 


THE  GIRL  FRO:\I  RIVERSIDE  DRIVE 


95 


conditions  to  those  before  tlie  advent  of  the  i;irl  from 
Riverside.  The  girls  resolved  that  the  pleasant  experiences 
of  the  past  fortnight  must  be  revived.  A  committee  waited 
on  the  girl  from  Riverside  and  implored  her  to  lead  the 
way.    They  promised  her  if  she  would,  and  the  faculty 


The  Old  Town  Car,  Bangor. 


tlireatened  to  expel  her,  they  would  all  go,  something  tliey 
knew  the  U.  of  M.  in  its  financial  condition  could  not 
stand. 

Tlie  following  Saturday,  bright  and  early,  tlie  female 
(•(mtingent  of  the  U.  of  M.  boarded  a  special  car  over  the 
^Maine  Central  for  Bangor.  The  beauty  parlors  of  the  city 
at  the  head  of  navigation  of  tlie  Penobscot,  were  crowded 


9(] 


REXTINC,  A  FUIiXISIIKI)  APAKTMKXT 


to  the  doors.  Dressmakers  were  put  on  a  iiiu^lit  and  day 
tnrn — (\\teinl(Ml  skirls  were  iiivin^  way  lo  tln.^  liol>ble  and 
slil.  The  slioc  dcaleis  were  tel(']>Ii<inin<;-  to  P»oston  for  tlie 
latest  French  iiii]HHial  ions.  Tlie  dry  i^oods  nierehants 
were  seudinu  rush  orders  for  lace  and  lin<j:erie  pilore. 
\\'e]]-develo])e(l  waists  tlnit  liad  never  felt  tlie  i)ressnre  of 
I  lie  arm  of  a  love-sick  sw  ain,  were  beinu'  measured  for  stays 
of  steel.  Tapering  arms  and  beautifully  moulded  shoulders 
that  had  nevcT  seen  the  sun  were,  in  the  near  futur(\  to  be 
exposed,  poAvdered — and  no  doubt  a<lmir(Ml.  Pantaleted, 
innocent  New  England  school  "marms,"  wlio  would  rathcM- 
dabble  thcMr  skirts  than  raise  them  an  inch,  wcM-e  IxMUg 
taught  the  art  of  so  elevating  their  crinolines  as  to  show 
bewitcliing  hosiery.  Hair  that  had  Ihmmi  ])arted  in  the 
middle  and  i)lastei-e(l  close  to  the  seal]),  was  being  doubled 
and  twisted  in  all  directions.  Even  the  language  of  the 
old  New  England  hills  was  passing  with  the  rest. 

Saturday  e\'ening  the  i)ilgrims  r(4ui*ned.  Sunday 
])asse(l  as  foi-mei'ly.  Monday  morning  a  ])i'ocessi()n  of  ex- 
press wagons,  parcel  ]»ost  carriers,  m(\ssenger  boys,  store 
clerks,  dress  fitters,  manicures,  modistes,  dancing  masters 
and  employees  genei-ally  were  trailing  over  the  campus 
heading  for  the  vai'ious  domiciles  of  the  students  of  the 
U.  of  ^1.  Students  were  standing  in  lin(^  to  get  a  chance 
at  the  long  distance  tele])hone  and  the  outfitti^rs  in  Uangor. 
Tel(\grams  were  being  sent  broadcast  over  the  State  to  the 
])arents  of  the  students  for  increased  allowances.  From 
Kittery  Point  to  l*assama(|Uo(ldy  I>ay,  cows,  hay  and  ]M)ta- 
to(\s  Avere  being  saci  iticed  to  nu^et  the  sudden  demand  for 
more  ''root  of  all  evil."  Telegrams  began  pouring  in  to 
the  faculty  from  ])arents  requesting  an  explanation. 

The  ass(unbly  ])ell  rang  summoning  everybody  to  the 
front.   The  President  of  the  College  deniand(Ml  an  explana- 


THE  CTRL  FROM   RIVERSIDE  DRIVE  97 


OS 


PiKXTixc  A  iM  i:.\isni:i)  Ai-AirrMKXT 


tion  for  those  extraordinary  proceedings — hy  iinjiniiiions 
recpiest  of  the  sinchMits,  llie  uirl  from  Kiversiih'  took  tlie 
tioor.  Dnrinii'  tlie  fonr  weeks  slic  liad  hecMi  at  tlie  rnivtn'- 
sity,  she  had  virtually  made  iij*  licr  Latin  and  eared  little 
wliat  took  ph\ee,  and,  smarting  nnder  her  treatment  by 
tlie  faculty,  she  was  <hdi^ht(Ml  that  an  o]>portnnity  Avas 
offered  for  revenge.   Addrc^ssing  the  Presidcmt  slie  said  : 

"Statistics  sliow  tliat  according  to  the  ])oi)nlation 
there  are  more  unmarried  women  in  Ncav  Enghmd  than 
any  other  p(n-tion  of  the  country.  There  is  not  a  woman 
on  earth,  who  if  she  had  to  choose  between  education  and 
matrimony  would  tak(^  the  former.  One  great  help  to 
matrimony  of  eitlier  sex  is  making  one's  self  attractive. 
When  I  first  came  here,  because  I  made  myself  attractive, 
I  was  sought  after  by  the  male  contingent.  By  your 
orders,  I  made  myself  unattractive  and  the  male  gender, 
somewhat  to  my  relief,  ceased  their  attentions.  fellow 
students  saw  the  result  of  one  making  herself  attractive 
and  decided  that  the  ways  of  their  parents  and  the  d(^- 
mands  of  the  faculty  of  this  University  were  a  detriment 
to  their  accomplishing  the  aim  of  womanhood,  so  they  have 
decided  that  the  Puritanical  customs  of  New  England 
must  give  way  to  those  of  the  great  White  Way  of  New 
York.  Friday  evening,  in  this  assembly  hall,  you  will 
witness  the  transformation.  The  i)araphernalia  T  formerly 
wore  will  be  donned  again,  and  that  of  my  fellow  students 
will  be  a  counterpart.  Invitations  to  our  dance  have  been 
sent  to  the  youths  of  Portland,  Kineo  and  liar  Harbor. 
The  turkey  trot,  grizzly  l)ear  and  bunny  hug  will  be  in 
evidence — in  fact,  we  intend  to  put  the  University  of  .Maine 
on  the  map." 

As  the  girl  from  Riverside  sat  down  the  President 
requested  her  attendance  at  his  office  in  the  morning  and 


THE  CIRL  FR():\r  RIVERSIDE  DRIVE 


99 


dismissed  the  students.  Tliat  iiii^lit,  witli  tlie  assistance 
of  lier  roonuiiate,  tlie  New  York  i^'wYs  trnnk  was  parked 
and  a  taxi  ordered  to  eaieli  tlie  4  A.  M.,  Western  bound, 
St.  John's  express.    After  breakfast  at  the  Union  Station 


Old  Orchard  Beach. 


at  Bangor,  she  l)oarded  tlie  early  morning  train  over  the 
Rangor  and  Aroostook  for  ;^^oosehead  Lake  and  her 
father's  camp. 

Consternation  reigned  among  the  students  at  the  Uni- 
versity after  they  learned  that  their  queen  bee  had  flown. 


100 


REXTIXd   A   riKXlSlIKI)   A  PA  R  TM  K.N  T 


Should  nil  llinl  loNcly  loiiiicrv  iicNci*  he  worn?  Should 
toloiinuiis  he  sciil  lo  I  he  ho\  s  ;i1  Tori  hind.  Old  Oi'cluird, 
Kinco  iind  r.nv  Ihirhor  cjillinu  oil  the  Assciiddy  l»nH? 
rnaninionsly  I  he  snidcnts  N'otcd,  ncxci-! 

In  the  cdosinii  hours  of  the  sunnncr  school  a  ^i^Teat 
bonfire  ra.iicd  on  the  (•ani])us.  Fearini;  if  they  riMurned 
lionie  witli  the  ontlits  they  had  l)roni>]it  with  them,  tlndr 
parents  would  eoni])el  them  to  be  worn  aiiain,  and  solicitous 
that  they  thems(dves  mi«;ht  not  stand  the  criticism  of  their 
townspeople,  the  students  decided  to  cremate  all  former 
belongings.  Calico,  the  price  of  which  had  Ikhmi  measured 
by  the  amonnt  of  farm  jn'odnce  to  be  dis])osed  of,  wraps 
tliat  were  more  a])propriate  on  a  horse  than  a  human,  were 
piled  hi<ih  on  the  fnneral  bier.  Stockings  that  (U^ar  ohl 
"Taydiaired  grandmothers  had  religiously  knit  from  avooI 
raised  on  the  farm,  were  trailed  over  the  cam])ns  to  their 
<l<M)m.  TnadorncMl  underwear,  home  made  shoes  and  freak- 
ish headgear  went  uj)  in  smoke  and,  last  but  not  least, 
billets-doux  from  now  discarded,  uncouth  admirers  of 
their  native  hamlets  w(M'e  add(Ml  to  the  rest,  and  as  the 
Slimmer  school  closed  the  faculty  of  the  V.  of  M.  (hn'ided 
to  bow  to  the  inevitable,  and  resolved  to  name  the  new 
hall  after  the  girl  from  Riverside  Drive. 


TRIALS  A^'D  TRIBULATIONS 


101 


CHAPTER  VIII 

TRIALS  AND  TRIBULATIONS 

Mr.  Change  avjis  sittin^i  in  an  easy  cliair  in  the  parlor 
reading  the  morning  paper  and  smoking  liis  favorite  brand 
when  he  saw  a  little  slip  of  paper  slioved  through  that 
same  little  crack  beneath  the  door.  The  slip  read  as  fol- 
lows : 

^'To  THE  Patrons  of  the  Restaurant.^^ 
^^On  account  of  a  strike  of  our  emi)loyees,  we  are  unable 
to  furnish  any  more  meals  at  present.  We  hope  within 
the  next  twenty-four  hours  to  make  the  necessary  arrange- 
ment to  continue  the  service,  of  which  you  Avill  be  duly 
notified.  Regretting  the  inconvenience  this  will  cause  our 
patrons  and  claiming  that  it  is  caused  on  account  of  a 
ridiculous  demand  on  the  part  of  our  employees,  Ave  remain, 

Respectfully  yours, 

Ringgold  &  Co/' 

A  little  thing  like  tliat  did  not  dislurl)  Mr.  Change.  Mrs. 
Change  was  somewhat  upset,  but  the  daughter  nearly 
went  into  hysterics.  She  had  invited  some  friends  to  a 
card  party  tliat  V(^ry  evening  and  was  to  liave  given  them 
a  dinner  in  tlie  restaurant.  81ie  didn't  know  what  to  do, 
but  lier  motlier  eame  to  the  rescue.  She  summoned  the 
chaultenr  and  aAvay  tliey  went  to  a  fashionable  hotel,  made 


102 


ia<:xTiN(;  a  n  kmsiikd  ai\\kt>[ext 


tho  nocossary  arraniivnuMiis  and  en.ua.i^cMl  taxis  to  take  tlioir 
guests  to  tlie  baiKjuet. 

Witliin  forty-eii»li1  lionrs  jhe  restaurant  was  rnnnini: 
again,  tlu^  Change  family  in  the  meantime  liaving  taken 
tlieir  morning  eott'ee  and  rolls  in  the  kitehen.  Mr.  Change 
being  sei"V(Ml  at  the  stationary  tubs.    The  former  employees 


The  Harbor  of  New  York. 


of  the  restaurant  assembled  just  outside  the  apartment 
house  and  attempted  to  intervieAV  everybody  w  ho  entered. 
They  stopped  all  strangers,  thinking  they  might  be  strike- 
breakers. They  spoke  to  the  patrons  whom  they  formerly 
served  and  tried  to  explain  the  justice  of  their  contention. 
They  made  themselves  such  an  infernal  nuisance  tliat  the 


TRIALS  AND  TRIBULATIONS 


108 


Change  family  and  the  other  occupants  of  the  house  made 
their  entrance  and  exit  from  the  rear  of  the  apartment 
and  tlirough  the  court  tliat  opened  on  to  Riverside  Drive. 
Tlie  strikers  soon  found  tliat  the  restaurant  was  running 
again,  the  new  employees  entering  and  leaving  the  build- 
ing througli  the  basement  of  an  apartment  opening  into 
tlie  Riverside  court.  Tliis  so  angered  the  striking  waiters 
that  one  night  about  twelve  o'clock,  closing  time,  every- 
body in  the  Riverside  Drive  court  was  awakened  by  an 
awful  racket  in  the  court.  The  striking  waiters  had  ^'laid" 
for  the  ^^scabs"  and  as  they  were  about  evenly  numbered, 
the  battle  lasted  until  the  police  entered  the  court  and 
carted  the  ringleaders  to  the  police  station.  During  the 
progress  of  the  fight  and  to  get  it  over  as  soon  as  possible, 
the  tenants  opened  up  on  the  combatants  Avith  a  fusilade 
of  divers  and  sundry  articles  and  after  the  battle  was  over 
the  court  was  a  counterpart  to  the  other  court  at  the  time 
of  the  attack  on  the  garbage  express. 

Mr.  Change  always  looked  forward  to  the  week-end 
l>om  a  hygienic  standpoint.  While  on  his  Long  Island 
estate  a  daily  l)ath  was  part  of  his  toilet.  There  the  water 
supply  came  from  the  bowels  of  the  eartli — it  seems  that 
there  could  be  a  more  cleanly  word  than  bowels — whereas 
in  the  city  it  came  from  the  heavens.  We  are  taught  that 
above  is  a  inucli  more  desirable  abode  than  down  below, 
but  the  water  supply  of  Xassau  County,  coming  via  the 
bowels  of  the  eartli,  is  preferable  to  that  coming  over  the 
surface.  Mr.  Change  soon  learned  that  it  was  unnecessary 
to  go  to  Mount  Clemens,  Michigan,  to  get  a  mud  bath, 
all  he  had  to  do  was  to  rent  a  furnished  apartment  in  New 
York.  As  the  hour  of  9  A.  M.  approached,  the  time  Mr. 
Change  usually  took  a  bath,  he  noticed  a  little  slip  of 
paper  under  tlie  door  whicli  read  as  follows: 


104 


RKXTTXC;  A   FT'RXISIIKI)  ATAirrM  KXT 


'^Voii  jirc  lioi'('l)y  notifKMl  that  on  account  of  a  ncv. 
water  main  connection  to  bo  nuule  at  West  End  AvcMinr 
and  llOtli  w^treet,  tlie  water  will  be  slnit  ot¥  this  day  from 
I)  A.  y\.  to  4  P.  M.  Of  this  take  due  notice  and  govern 
yourself  accordingly. 

"New  York  Water  Department, 
"per  Kilgor.'' 

Mr.  Change  was  too  late  for  his  bath,  nor  did  he  take 
one  until  the  next  day.  When  the  wat(4'  ])ipes  are  emptied, 
touch  not,  nor  taste  not  for  the  twenty-four  hours  follow- 
ing unless  Tou  are  immune  from  typhoid  fever.  The  Avater 
of  New  York  City  has  caused  numy  a  fall  from  the  water 
wagon. 

Speaking  of  West  End  Avenue,  there  is  no  more  beau- 
tiful street  in  the  big  town.  The  avenue  is  wide  and  un- 
dulating, both  sides  are  lined  by  beautiful  residences  and 
imposing  apartment  houses  and  apartment  hotels.  A 
smooth  pavement  it  has,  and  for  some  reason,  greatly  to 
the  pleasure  of  those  who  reside  thereon,  it  is  shunned 
by  traffic.  Along  that  avenue  is  where  the  rising  genera- 
tion of  the  wealthy  get  their  tirst  impression  of  this  life. 
Expensive  baby  carriages  with  their  precious  freight, 
roll(Ml  along  l)y  wliite  capped  maids,  line  the  wide,  smooth 
sidewalks  of  that  high,  clean  and  sunlit  thoroughfare.  In 
what  different  surroundings  are  the  offspring  of  the  lowly 
but  a  few  avenue  blocks  away.  What  different  impressions 
on  their  innocent  minds  than  of  the  well-to-do.  Brought 
up  in  squalor  in  some  foul  tenement,  fronting  on  a  filthy 
street,  poorly  nourished  and  clothed,  neglected  during  the 
day,  demoralizing  scenes  constantly  iK'fore  them,  how  can 
any  one  expect  from  many  of  them  other  than  a  criminal 
life.    Yet  from  tliat  same  locality  come  some  of  our  smart- 


riilALS  AXn  TKIIU  LATIONS 


105 


est  men  aii<l  I*ul)lic  scliool  toaclicrs,  avIio  have 

made  tlie  rouiuls,  tell  us  that  the  easiest  to  learn,  the  quick- 
est of  conception,  are  anionic-  the  denizens  of  the  great 
unwashed  of  the  tenements  of  the  ''East  Side," 

The  Change  family  had  been  but  a  month  in  the  paved 
city  ere  they  found  it  was  necessary  to  invest  in  that 


West  End  Avenue. 

remedy  which  Noah  was  careful  to  see  that  the  Ark  con- 
tained a  supply  of,  before  he  shoved  oft,  ''corn  salve."  Noah 
was  a  wise  old  coon ;  he  knew  he  would  need  it  on  Mount 
Ararat.  Tlie  stone  pavement,  with  no  respite  therefrom,  so 
affected  all  hands,  or  more  properly  si)eaking,  all  feet,  of 
the  riiange  family,  that  the  little  round  box  that  is  on  the 
list  of  all  law-abiding  chiropodists  became  not  only  a 
household  word,  but  a  necessity.    Unfortunately  for  tlie 


lOG 


REXTIX(;  A  Fl'RXISIIEI)  APARTMENT 


riian.ffo  family,  about  the  timo  that  little  hard  substance 
was  in  its  lilorv,  the  not  unheard-of  oceurrenee  in  con- 
nection witli  all  well-regulated  elevator  apartments  took 
place.  The  elevator  stopped  running.  As  Mr.  Change, 
with  a  cane  in  one  hand  and  a  box  of  '^one-night"  in  the 
other,  hobbled  from  the  door  of  the  apartment  to  tlu^ 
elevator  and  rang  the  bell,  a  voice  came  up  the  elevator 
shaft  announcing  the  excruciating  fact  that  ''the  elevator  is 
not  running."  Mr.  Change  resolved  then  and  there  that  if 
he  ever  rented  another  apartment  it  would  be  on  tlie  ground 
floor.  Cane,  corns  and  Change  slowly  wound  their  way 
down  the  seven  flights  of  stairs.  One  of  the  elevator  boys 
assisted  Mr.  Change  to  the  waiting  car. 

The  most  unpleasant  incident  during  the  occupancy 
of  the  apartment  by  the  Change  family  was  the  sickness  and 
death,  from  tuberculosis,  of  a  young  lady  in  an  apartment 
across  one  of  the  courts.  Some  nights  she  slept  on  a  cot 
near  an  open  window  and  at  other  times  in  a  tent  on  the 
roof.  That  hacking  cough,  resounding  through  the  courts, 
came  with  the  breaking  day,  and  at  intervals  continued 
throughout  her  waking  hours.  A  leading  physician  of  the 
city,  and  a  loving  and  attentive  family  were  near  her  at 
all  times,  yet  slowly  and  gradually  she  passed  away. 

How  unfortunate  it  is  that  through  choice  or  com- 
pelling circumstances  those  who  are  threatened  with  con- 
sumption remain  in  this  city  where  life  is  a  cause,  not  a 
cure,  for  that  dreaded  disease,  when  relief  is  within  the 
length  of  their  cable  tow. 

In  Mr.  Change's  class  in  the  Columbia  College  Law 
School  was  a  young  man  from  Geneva,  N.  Y.  Two  of  his 
brothers  died  from  consumption.  The  family  physician 
suggested,  and  his  relatives  implored  him,  to  seek  some 
other  clime  before  he,  too,  was  stricken.    Following  the 


TRIALS  AND  TRIBULATIONS 


107 


suggestion  he  went  to  Denver,  Colorado,  staging  it  from 
Omaha.  In  the  high  altitude  of  the  Rockies,  the  germ 
never  developed.  Today,  at  the  age  of  70,  on  behalf  of 
clients  lie  is  trying  to  influence  juries  in  the  courts  of 
Denver  to  bring  in  verdicts  contrary  to  the  facts. 

The  baseball  club  in  Brooklyn  with  whom  Mr.  Change 
in  his  boyhood  days  played  short  stop,  had  among  its 
members  a  young  man  seemingly  stricken  with  the  white 
plague.  Drawing  his  small  stipend  from  a  Williamsburg 
bank,  he  engaged  passage  on  a  boat  for  Portland,  Maine, 
and  then  to  the  termiaal  of  one  of  the  branches  of  the 
Maine  Central  Railroad  and  by  stage  twenty  miles  to  a 
sporting  camp  in  the  dense  woods  of  the  Pine  Tree  State. 
There  he  met  and  became  intimately  acquainted  with  the 
owner  of  one  of  the  extensive  logging  industries  of  the  State 
and  became  the  lumberman's  right  hand  man,  living  on 
beans,  molasses  and  ozone.  Today  he  is  part  owner  of  one 
of  the  largest  wood  pulp  plants  in  the  State.  Although 
he  is  vice-president  of  the  company  he  spends  his  time  in 
the  yards  throwing  logs  around  as  if  they  were  tooth- 
picks. 

The  graduating  class  of  the  preparatory  school  on 
tlie  Hudson,  which  Miss  Change  attended,  always  gave  a 
fair,  the  proceeds  therefrom  being  devoted  to  sending 
some  young  woman  ailflicted  with  tuberculosis  to  a  certain 
sanitarium  in  the  Adirondacks.  The  young  lady  sent  by 
the  graduating  class,  of  which  Miss  Change  was  a  member, 
recovered  her  health  in  that  high,  healthy  resort,  and  today 
is  an  assistant  in  the  sanitarium.  Every  night  on  her 
bended  knees  she  thanks  the  All-Seeing  One  and  the 
Preparatory  School  for  her  escape  from  the  most  dreaded 
disease,  with  the  possible  exception  of  cancer,  that  afflicts 
tlie  human  race. 


lOS  Ki:.\ri.\(;  a  FrKMsiiKD  ataktm f>nt 

The  i)al('  fjiccs  of  liUlc  cliildrcii  ;i])poarin^  nt  tlio 
windows  of  many  of  llic  a  pari  iiicnl  s  ai'oused  Mr.  Cliani^o's 
syni])atlH't  ic  nature.  He  could  only  compare  it  willi  tlio 
Pi'inccs  in  llic  Tower  in  ihc  days  of  Kicliai-d  ilic  Third. 
\\i)W  contrary  to  all  laws  of  nature  arc  llic  lixcs  of  the 
little  ones  in   those  tall   iron  and  concrete  structures. 


The  Sanitarium  in  the  Adirondacks. 

Broiifi'lit  up  on  a  bottle,  so  as  not  to  interfere  with  the 
social  en<i'a![>em(Mits  of  its  motlier,  turned  over  to  ii;norant 
nurses,  nowln're  to  i^o  exce])t  aloni;  the  stony  ])avement  of 
the  ,i»Teat  city,  unless  it  be  some  ])ai'k  Avhere  the  urass  i^rows 
to  be  admii'cd,  dressed  in  line,  uncomfortable  lo^iici'y  ])ro- 
hibitin«i  freediun  of  action,  and  after  an  outing  oi'  an  hour 
or  two  luMMijiht  back  to  the  duniicou.    ('an  a  child  la\'  tln^ 


TRTALS  AM)  TRIItCLA'riONS 


100 


f(Miii(l;it  ion  of  a  licjillliy  jiiid  a- i  porous  constil  nl  ion  inider 
sucli  c'ondit  i(His,  or  isu'l  il  more  likely  sneli  ;i  life  lends 
to  disease  and  early  dealli? 

Tliere  is  an  old  sayinji"  in  tlie  conniry,  "tlie  poorer  the 
family,  the  more  doiis/'    The  more  aristocrat  ie  tlu^  Xcnv 


Taking-  an  Airing. 


York  nty  apartment,  tlie  mon^  canine  i)ets  yon  find  tln^'ein. 
To  tliose  wlio  own  an  apartment  lionse  dou,  "it  is  the 
sweetest  littl(»  darlin<»-  on  eartli,''  bnt  to  the  lessee  wlio 
rented  an  a])ar1ment,  not  a  <h),ii  kenmd,  it  is  dil'fereni. 
Tlie  a])artment  lionse  dojj.  lias  a  cinch.    lie  takes  precedent 


110 


REXTTXr.  A  FT'UXISnED  APART>rEXT 


over  tlie  cliildren.  When  liis  time  arrives  for  an  airin^j,  no 
ignorant  nnrse  draiis  liini  around  by  tlie  neek,  but  some 
member  of  the  family  willini>ly  hohhs  tlie  leasli.  In  tlie 
apartment  just  beneath  that  of  Mr.  Cliange  was  a  Pom- 
eranian do*;.  He  slept  with  his  ^^missy,"  and  every  raorn- 
in.iD:  about  daybreak  ''the  sweet  little  darlinix  who  wouldn't 
harm  anybody,"  struck  the  ''tuning  up"  time.  If  it  had 
been  a  big  St.  Bernard,  with  the  occasional  basso  bark,  he 
would  not  have  been  a  disturber,  but  not  so  with  a  con- 
tinuous high  soprano.  ^'How  cruel  it  was  for  that  naughty 
man  on  the  floor  above  to  complain  about  my  little  dar- 
ling." A  fight  between  two  bull  dogs  in  an  apartment 
elevator  was  one  of  Mr.  Change's  experiences.  One  morn- 
ing, as  the  elevator  stopped  at  the  seATnth  floor  to  take  on 
^Ir.  Change  on  its  way  down,  it  had  as  occupants,  besides 
the  operator,  an  elderly  lady,  a  bull  dog  on  one  end  of  a 
leash  and  a  woman  on  the  other.  At  the  sixth  floor  entered 
another  bull  dog  leashed  and  chaperoned,  also  by  a  woman. 
Xo  sooner  did  the  second  dog  enter  the  elevator  than  the 
two  dogs  sprang  at  each  other,  and  as  the  fight  progressed 
they  wound  their  leashes  around  the  legs  of  the  elderly 
lady,  she  losing  her  balance  and  falling  to  the  floor.  Mr. 
Change  helped  her  to  her  feet  while  the  owners  grabbed 
their  dogs  and  unwound  the  leashes.  During  the  melee  the 
East  Indian  elevator  boy  continued  to  operate  the  lift  as 
if  a  dog  light  was  of  daily  occurrence. 


^^BACK  TO  THE  SOIl/' 


111 


CHAPTER  IX 

^^BACK  TO  THE  SOIL" 

A  VERY  necessary  and  important  adjunct  to  an  apart- 
ment house  is  tlie  dumb-waiter.  It  is  a  deli<^litful  revelation 
in  New  York  to  discover  a  waiter  where  tipping  is  an  un- 
known quantity.  This  particular  waiter  is  not  only  dumb 
but  also  deaf.  If  it  was  otlierwise,  it  would  not  long  endure. 
The  occupant  of  an  apartment  house  for  amusement  need 
not  seek  vaudeville;  all  that  is  necessary  is  to  open  the 
door  of  tlie  dumb-waiter  and  hearken.  All  the  dialects  of 
the  Tower  of  Babel  will  greet  you.  You  will  hear  the 
French  maid  on  tlie  toj^  floor  finding  fault  with  tlie  ice-man 
for  ze  smallness  of  ze  cake  of  ice.  The  Israelite  on  the  next 
floor  will  threaten  to  throw  up  his  lease  if  he  cannot  be 
served  first,  last  and  all  tlie  time.  The  maid  from  the 
Emerald  Isle  on  the  next  floor  will  be  informing  the 
butcher  that  his  tough  piece  of  meat  spoilt  the  stew,  and 
if  he  will  come  up  there,  she  will  knock  his  block  off,  be- 
gorrah.  You  will  hear  the  bachelor  in  cultured  English 
acquainting  the  janitor  of  the  fact  that  the  wine  merchant 
assured  him  that  the  bottle  of  Burgund}^  was  also  in  the 
case  when  delivered  at  the  apartment.  The  colored  maid 
on  the  third  floor  will  be  informing  the  laundryman  that 
she  will  lose  her  position  if  the  missing  wearing  apparel 
is  much  longer  delayed.  The  German  on  the  second  floor 
will  ])ewail  the  loss  of  his  sauerkraut,  and  the  man  on 


11-  ni:xTi.\(;  A  FrnxisiTKi)  .\iv\iri'Mi:\T 

the  ,ii'r(Hiii(l  floor  w  ill  he  .•iccnsc)  1  of  piirloiniii^  ihc  inissiiii: 

1)<>I11('  of   mills,    vcl    llil-oili^li    il    .-ill    1||,>  \\;|ilr|-    Willi  ;| 

r<>lM' jii-oimd  iis  neck  is  i  iciil  I v  lu'i-roi'iii i ii^  i i s  d ii i  v  w  illi- 
oill  ;iliv  hope  of  i-cwjil'd. 

Il  is  <loul)lful  iC  ihm'  is  a  biiildiim  on  .M;ndi;it1;ni 
Island  that  some  hni'iilar  lias  not  visited  while  i)lvin,iL;  liis 


Riverside  Drive,  Grant's  Tomb. 


vocation,  and  many  of  tliem  liave  liad  as  many  buriilars  as 
tenants.  Tlie  ])olice  tell  ns  tliere  are  at  least  ten  tlionsand 
ex-eonvicts  in  the  city  all  the  tinu^  How  secnre  we  feel 
Avhen  iioinii  home  at  ni.uht,  and  how  delij^httnl  it  is  to 
surmise  that  ])ossil)ly  yonr  f(dlow  strap-liaui>er  lias  daily 
inai'ched  to  the  tune  of  the  ''loek-ste])." 

^\'llen  Ml*.  Chan.iiv  was  a  stock  raiiclier  on  tlie  ])lains, 


'V,A^:X  TO  THE  SOIl/ 


113 


it  uaiurally  rcMiuired  money  to  buy  stock,  so  lie  always 
carried  a  good  sized  ^'rolF'  and  as  rolls  were  usually  sought 
after,  a  guu  was  a  uecesary  side  partner  thereto,  and  as 
a  gun  is  of  little  cons(Miuence  unless  you  know  how  to  use 


The  Cook  Can  Wave  to  the  Cop. 


it,  Mr.  Change  through  practice  became  a  marksman  of  no 
mean  order.  Having  accjuired  the  habit  of  having  a  gun 
nearby,  especially  at  night,  Mr.  Change  kept  one  handy 
while  sojourning  in  the  furnisluMl  a])artment. 


114 


HEXTixd  A  rruxisiiKn  apaktmext 


From  tlio  bead  of  the  bed  oeciipied  by  ^\v.  Obanjje, 
one  eould  see  tbe  bedroom  windows  of  several  of  tlie  apart- 
ments across  tbe  way  on  tlie  Riverside  court.  Often  busi- 
ness affairs  disturb  one's  slumber.  One  brigbt  moonlit 
niglit  about  2  A.  M.,  as  Mr.  Change  lay  awake  trying  to 
solve  a  business  problem  of  the  coming  day,  he  noticed  a 
rope  hanging  down  from  the  roof  of  the  a])artment  house 
across  the  court.  Wliile  lying  there  and  wondering  wliat 
the  roi)e  was  for,  he  saw  a  man  with  a  pack  on  his  back 
crawling  out  of  the  window  of  one  of  the  apartments. 
The  man  took  hold  of  the  rope  and  swung  himself  and  pack 
from  the  window  sill  and  slowly,  liand  under  hand,  slid 
down  the  rope.  Mr.  Change  knew  it  was  a  burglar  and 
how  to  stop  him  was  the  question.  Mr.  Change  could  have 
winged  him  had  he  chosen,  but  taking  human  life  was  not 
the  business  he  was  pursuing.  The  fellow  had  slid  down  to 
about  three  stories  from  the  ground  when  Mr.  Change 
concluded  to  try  his  markmanship  on  tlie  rope.  The  second 
shot  severed  it  and  the  burglar  and  his  pack  lay  in  a  heap 
on  the  concrete  floor  of  the  court.  ]Mr.  Change  was  as 
innocent  as  any  of  the  tenants  and  this  narrative  is  the 
first  disclosure  of  who  was  the  cause  of  the  broken  leg  and 
dislocated  shoulder  of  a  certain  burglar  who  was  carted 
off  to  the  hospital  from  Riverside  Drive  at  One  Hundredth 
Street  on  a  bright  December  morn. 

lie  was  not  the  only  burglar  on  the  beach.  The  cus- 
tom of  tlie  ai)artment  was  not  to  let  any  one  go  up  unless 
the}^  gave  the  ^^countersign,"  or,  in  otlier  words,  answered 
a  few  (luestions  propounded  to  him  or  lier  by  one  of  the 
attendants.  Tlie  apartment  house  in  New  York  is  like  the 
shad  nets  in  the  Hudson,  some  fish  are  bound  to  slip 
through. 

One  rather  disagreeable  afternoon  Mrs.  and  Miss 


'^BACK  TO  TIIL:  SOll/' 


115 


Change  decided  tliev  would  stay  by  tlieir  own  fireside.  A 
ring  at  the  door  and  there  stood  a  tall  heavily-built  man 
with  iron  gray  hair.  ThroAving  back  the  lapel  of  his  coat 
and  displaying  a  shield,  he  informed  Mrs.  Change  that  he 
was  the  gas  inspector  and  was  there  to  examine  the  gas 
jets  to  see  if  there  were  any  leaks.  He  was  admitted.  He 
liad  such  a  pleasant  face  and  was  so  far  along  in  life  that 
the  ladies  were  not  aware  that  one  of  the  worst  criminals 
in  Xew  York  was  in  their  ai)artment.  ]Mrs.  Change  in- 
formed him  that  they  never  used  the  gas  only  in  the  gas 
stove.  AVhen  he  informed  the  ladies  that  he  had  found  a 
small  leak  in  Mrs.  Change's  bedroom,  she  agreed  with  the 
inspector,  remarking  that  she  thought  she  had  detected 
a  slight  odor  of  gas,  something  you  can  generally  find  in 
any  Xew  York  apartment.  The  ^"inspector"  lit  all  the 
gas  jets,  getting  Mrs.  Change,  while  he  rei>aired  the  sup- 
posed leak  in  her  room,  to  watch  tlie  meter  dial  and  see  if 
it  ]noved,  and  stationed  the  daughter  in  the  bath  room  to 
see  if  she  could  detect  any  flicker,  and  as  ^Ir.  Change 
remarked  on  his  return,  ^'I  suppose  if  I  had  been  here,  he 
would  had  me  gazing  at  some  other  gas  fixture  far  removed 
from  the  scene  of  action." 

In  a  few  moments  the  ''inspector"  came  out  of  the 
bedroom  and  informed  tlie  ladies  that  he  had  left  some 
of  his  tools  down  at  the  vestibule  but  would  be  right  back, 
and  they  better  continue  to  watch  the  dial  and  the  gas 
jet.  Mrs.  Change's  Avatch  and  chain,  a  diamond  brooch 
and  two  diamond  rings,  which  were  in  one  of  the  bureau 
drawers,  left  at  the  same  time  as  the  '\gas  inspector."  The 
only  regret  Mr.  Change  expressed  was  that  he  hadn't 
turned  his  artillery  on  the  other  burglar  instead  of  the 
rope. 

Among  other  literature  poked  under  the  little  crack 


n<*>  iM:.\'ri.\(;  a  rrRxisiiKh  ai-ari  \i knt 

Im'Ionn-   llic  (loni-  \\;is  llic  ;i  imoiilicciliclll  llie  \\'(  ll's 

Political  I  iiioii  ^\;^s  (akiim  ;i  s(r;i\\  noIc  (»('  Hi,*  hlnck  i<> 
ascertain  llic  \i('\\s  of  tlic  innlc  iiili;il»iiiiii(s  ilid'cof  willi 
regard  to  the  (nicsiion  of  "N'oics  for  Women."    The  eir- 


Preferable  as  Voters  to  the  Scum  of  Europe. 


cular  requested  tlie  voter  to  write  liis  views  on  tlie  en- 
closed slip  of  paper  and  return  the  same  in  tlie  enclosed 
envelope.  As  the  envelope^  was  stamped  and  addressed,  the 
receiver  could  hardly  iu\i»lect  to  com])ly.    Mr.  (Iianuc  was 


'RACK  TO  THE  SOU. 


117 


handed  the  request  and  as  it  was  a  matter  he  considered 
of  serious  import  he  wrote  his  views,  as  follows: 

believe  that  an  educational  and  pr()i)erty  qualifi- 
cation, especially  tlie  former,  should  determine  the  question 
of  the  elective  franchise.  It  is  unnecessary  that  the  voter 
should  speak  a  dozen  languages  or  own  a  city  block,  yet 
the  ])erson  should  be  able  to  read  and  write  the  English 
language  and  be  a  taxpayer.  Any  one  compl^^ing  with 
those  (jualitications  and  being  a  citizen  of  the  United 
States  and  of  proper  age  sliould  liave  the  priviledge  of 
exercising  the  elective  franchise,  irrespective  of  sex,  color 
or  disposition.  *'Mr.  Change.'' 

^Ir.  dumge  while  in  Denver  in  tlie  long  ago  had  a 
narrow  escape  from  losing  his  life  in  a  hotel  tire,  having 
had  to  jump  from  tlie  fourth  floor  into  a  fireman's  net, 
and  ever  after  when  he  was  located  above  the  second  floor 
he  looked  the  situation  over  to  see  how  to  get  out  in  case 
of  fire.  ^Ir.  Change  Avas  a  drummer  boy  in  tlie  Army  of  the 
Potomac  and  he  never  forgot  what  they  used  to  tell  about 
General  McClellan.  They  said  that  ''Little  ^lac"  never 
went  into  a  battle  until  he  first  figured  out  how"  he  could 
retreat  in  case  he  got  whipi)ed,  and  Mr.  Change  always 
applied  that  story  when  he  found  himself  looking  out  of 
a  window  far  removed  from  the  ground.  Some  days  after 
the  arrival  of  Mr.  Change  at  the  apartment,  he  nuide 
in(|uiries  a  la  Ceneral  McClellan.  There  were  no  outside 
fire-esca])es  on  the  ai)artment  house.  They  always  require 
them  on  fiat  houses.  For  an  explanation  of  this  a  wag 
in  the  ])oli('(^  department  said  that  the  fiat  houses  were 
occui^ied  by  the  working  people  and  the  apartments  by 
the  idle  rich,  and  the  authorities  considertMl  it  more  im- 
portant for  the  future  of  the  republic  to  save  the  former 
than  the  latter. 


118 


KKXTiXi;  A  FrR.\isni:i)  a i-a irrM f.n  r 


Mr.  Clianiic's  first  iii(|uirv  \\as  iiicl  ilie  r('i)]y, 

''This  ni)artiiioiit  is  lire-proof,  it  cainiol  ^ct  a  lire. 
don't  re(liiir(M)iit8ide  tirc-cscaiH's."  ,Mr.  (Iiaii.uc  liad  licard 
of  the  uiisinkable  sliip  li'oiiiiL^'  to  tlic  hotioiii  and  tlie  un- 
loaded jiiiu  killing  i)(M)i)le,  (•oiisiMnicnll y  he  classed  the  lire- 
proof  biiihliiiii  ill  tlie  same  eate,i»()ry.  They  sliowed  him 
liow  easy  it  was  to  i>'et  down  stairs  or  ont  on  to  the  roof 
and  so  descend  to  adjoining  buildinus.  They  claimed  the 
elevator  was  lire])roof  \Nitli  the  i-est,  and  that  thei'e  were 
fireproof  stairs^  from  one  story  to  the  other,  that  the  coil 
of  hose  and  nozzle  was  lire])roof,  that  the  sui)erintendent 
was  fireproof,  and  as  they  said  ahont  the  worldly  <>()ods 
of  Mrs.  Murphy,  "and  the  i)i<is  are  Irish  too."  Xotwith- 
standintj:  all  this,  Mr.  dian^f  never  Avent  to  bed  while  in 
the  apartment  without  thinkiui>'  of  the  wise  precaution  of 
the  hero  of  Antietam. 

Tlie  lease  on  the  Cliange  apartment  e\])ired  on  IMarcli 
first.  As  ^March  first  came  on  Sunday,  the  family  int(4ided 
to  move  back  to  their  L()n<>'  Island  home  on  the  preceding 
Saturday.  A  week  before  the  ex])iration  of  the  lease,  Mrs. 
Change  received  a  call  from  their  former  servants  Avho 
said  they  were  dissatisfied  with  their  i)resent  positions 
and  if  she  wanted  them  to  return  to  her  employment 
they  would  be  pleased  to  do  so,  to  which  Mrs.  Change  gladly 
consented.  The  Friday  night  before  the  Saturday  that 
the  Change  family  intended  to  return  to  the  Long  Island 
home  was  occupied  until  midnight  packing  trunks  and 
grips,  and  they  all  retired  feeling  happy  that  on  the 
morrow  they  were  to  bid  good-bye  to  what  Mr.  Change 
commenced  to  call  ^^the  death  house."  About  2  A.  M.  the 
whole  family  were  brought  to  tluMr  feet  by  the  continuous 
ringing  of  the  telephone,  pounding  on  the  door  and  an 
uproar  in  the  inside  court,  and  the  smell  of  smoke  in  the 


BACK  TO  THE  SOIL 


119 


apartment.  Riisliiug  to  the  telephone,  Mr.  Change  was 
informed  that  the  apartment  house  was  on  fire  and  on 
account  of  the  heat,  the  elevator  was  not  running.  Mr. 
Change  opened  the  door,  but  on  account  of  the  smoke 
closed  it,  seeing  tliere  was  no  escape  in  that  direction. 
The  Change  family  realized  that  it  was  impossible  to  reach 
or  make  an  exit  by  the  stairs  or  by  the  apartments  front- 


They  Risk  Their  Lives  for  Ours. 


ing  on  the  street.  The  only  way  they  could  be  saved  was 
from  the  windoAvs  opening  into  the  Riverside  Drive  court. 
Mr.  Change  had  commenced  making  a  rope,  so  to  speak, 
by  tieing  sheets  together,  as  the  fire  companies  rushed  into 
I\iverside  Drive.  The  firemen  carried  extension  ladders 
into  the  court  and  as  the  fire  had  not  reached  that  side  of 
the  building,  the  Change  family,  partially  dressed,  were 


120 


KKxrixd  A  FrKMsin:i)  apautmext 


carried  down  tlie  ladders  hv  (lie  tireinen,  and  tliroii^li  the 
kindness  of  the  tenants  of  the  opposite  apartments  were 
fnrnished  with  shelter  and  ('lothin<»\  All  tlie  b(don<>in,i>s  of 
the  Chanjie  family  were  lost.  The  Chautfenr  took  them  to 
tlie  PennsAdvania  Terminal  and  as  .Mr.  Cliange  passed 
under  the  East  Kiver  for  his  Lon^^  Island  home  he  prayed 
that  the  roof  of  the  tunnel  would  cave  in  and  drown  him 
if  ever  again  he  was  doomed  to  rent  a  furnished  apartment. 


THE  END 


J.. 


When  the  Wildwood  Was  in  Flower" 

Tlii.s  book  is  written  in  the  same  entertainiuiL^ 
manner  as  the  volume  you  have  just  read,  and  tells 
I  of  the  fifteen  years  the  author  spent  on  the  plains  | 
as  a  stockman,  before  and  after  the  days  of  rail- 
roads. The  author  was  a  shipper  of  live  stock  to 
<1iicago  before,  during,  and  after  the  formation  of 
tlie  Beef  Trust,  and  relates  how  he,  with  otlier 
stockmen,  Avas  driven  out  of  business  by  that 
gigantic  combination.  The  book  is  printed  on 
specially  made  Avood-cut  paper,  from  large  type, 
and  contains  one  hundred  and  twenty-five  pages, 
I  fully  illustrated  Avitli  forty  half-tone  pictures  from  | 
photographs,  and  bound  in  attractive  cloth  binding. 
Price  one  dollar. 


It  can  be  secured  at  all  bookstores,  or  it  will  be 
sent  by  mail,  postpaid,  upon  receipt  of  price,  |1.0(). 

Address  all  orders  to 

J.  S.  OGILVIE  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 

Box  767       -       -       -       57  Rose  Street,  New  York 


BLfr!irr!i?rriirTriirr!Tf^i?rriit^^ 


«  The  first  literary  efi'ort  by   G.   Smith   Stanton,  g 

1  Where  the  Sportsman  Loves  to  Linger,  i 

g  was  pronounced  by  many  of  its  readers  to  be  one  of  g 

g  the  most  interesting  of  little  volumes.    Chief  Justice  g 

g  Fuller,  of  the  United  States  Supreme  Court,  wrote  Mr.  g 

g  Stanton  that  it  was  "the  most  excellent  and  vivid  g 

2  brochure  "  he  had  ever  read.    The  book  describes  the  S 


g  three  most  popular  canoe  trips  in  the  State  of  Maine  g 

g  — the  Allagash,  and  the  East  and  West  Branches  of  g 

g  the  Penobscot.    The  author  tells  most  entertainingly  g 

g  of  his  hunting  and  fishing  experience,  and  also  gives  g 

g  plenty  of  information  and  advice  useful  to  the  reader,  g 

g  as  he  takes  him  from  New  York  City  by  the  Maine  g 

g  Steamship  Company  Line  to  Portland,  thence  through  g 

g  the  Maine  woods,  and  brings  him  back  to  the  city  by  the  g 

g  Fall  River  Line.  The  story  is  one  of  actual  experiences,  g 

§  and  the  author  was  fortunate  to  have  as  his  companion  § 

§  Dr.  Hazelton,  of  Bangor,  one  of  the  best  amateur  ^ 

^  camera  artists  in  the  country,  and  the  book  contains  § 

^  eighty  half-tone  pictures  of  the  scenery  and  the  wild  ^ 

^  animals  of  the  Maine  woods.  ^ 

§       The  book  is  printed  on  specially  made  wood-cut  § 

§  paper,  from  large  type,  contains  one  hundred  and  § 

«  twenty-five  pages,  fully  illustrated,  and  is  bound  in  ^ 

%  attractive  cloth  binding,  with  printed  inset  on  the  8 

^  front  cover.    Price,  one  dollar.  ^ 

»       It  can  be  secured  at  all  bookstores,  or  it  will  be  ^ 

»  sent  by  mail  upon  receipt  of  price,  $1.00,  g 

1  J.  S.  OGiLVlE  PUBLISHING  COHPANY,  g 

i  BOX  767.  57  ROSE  STREET,  NEW  YORK.  § 


I 


0 


i 


Date  Loaned 

Library  Bureau  Cat.  no.  1138 

Stanton,  Sennit  S. 

S79 

Rent  i  ne- 

n furnished 

ap  ertment. 

7892 

DATE 

Nov.  28 

/ 

